Fix Me (Alternative ending)

Chapter 15

Trigger warning - Mentions of Eatinf disorders, homphobic behaviours, brief mention of violence.

Andy has already left for the studio when Remington wakes up, and the singer stretches before gettng out of bed and dressing. He knows Andy probably left early today to avoid talking about whatever is going on with him. Remington sends his husband a text, consisting of the words I hope your day is a beautiful one, tiger. ILY. He gets no reply.

After a small breakfast of one piece of toast with sliced banana and yogurt, Remington drives to therapy, knocking on the door and stepping into Abigail's house. "Good morning," he greets, sitting in his usual spot.

"Morning, Remington. How're things going?"

The boy shrugs. "Well, something's up with Andy and he won't talk to me about it. He had a panic attack the other night. And Emerson's made friends with two homphobic twats who beat me up, so..."

"Is that where you got that bruise from?"

Remington nods.

"Okay. Do you wanna talk about it? How did it make you feel?"

"Not good," the boy answers, "and I just-I can't believe Emerson would make friends with them. Like...he must know they're homophobic, right? And he knows I'm gay and I thought it didn't bother him. It just doesn't make sense."

Abigail nods. She, as usual, pours him a glass of water. "Have you talked with Emerson about it? Does he know this happened?"

Remington shakes his head.

"Okay. How did you deal with the trauma?"

"I don't know, I kept halucinating 'cause the woman there-she kissed me to show me 'what real men do.' Andy looked after me but then he had a panic attack that night and wouldn't really tell me why. Now I'm worried there's something really wrong with him."

"It doesn't make you less of a man for being gay. You know that, yes?"

"Yeah, it's just-when people hurt me 'cause of it, it gets kinda hard to...I don't know. Just-sometimes it's hard to be gay."

"You're right, it is. It's unfair how you're treated and I'm so sorry it happens. You must stay true to yourself even when it happens, though, okay?"

Remington looks down and sighs. "Okay," he mumbles.

"Tell me how your eating is going."

"Could be worse," Remington answers, checking his phone for a message from Andy. Nothing is there.

The woman smiles. "That's good, Remington. Can you talk me through your breakfast and how it made you feel?"

After a nod and then a moment's pause, the singer says, "I had toast and yogurt and banana and I finished it. I felt kinda guilty after eating it but also I know it's a good thing and I'm glad I didn't skip."

"Good, Remington, that's really great. I've got a task for you this week. Your main fear food is cheese, yes?"

Remington nods slowly, sensing what she's about to say and dreading it.

"For next week, I want you to eat a little bit for me, okay? I don't care how you have it. Grate it on something, spread it on toast, whatever, just eat at least a little bit."

The boy doesn't look at her. "That's not fair," he complains, playing with his fingers.

"I know cheese is scary for you. I know you'd much rather never eat it again. But you can't properly recover if you're always scared of ot, Remington. You'll never be fully recovered."

"But it's just one thing," Remington mumbles, "'s not a big deal." Really, he knows she's right, but he'd prefer to complain about it than to eat cheese.

The woman watches his hands. "It will be a big deal if you never face it. It will become the one thing that keeps you from beating your anorexia, and we don't want that. We want you to be able to re-buil a positive relationship with food and to build a positive relationship with your body and to be happy around food, don't we?"

Remington sighs.

"It's hard, I know. Believe me, I feel like a bitch for making you do this, but it's something you need to do. You've got support from all angles and we all believe in you, Remington. The only person who doesn't believe in you is you."

"You are a bitch," the singer says.

Abigail laughs. "I know. You just try and have a little tiny bit, okay? Just one tiny piece, and we can work from there. The first bit will be the toughest."

"Okay, I'll try."

The woman smiles. "I'm glad. It's gonna be okay."

When Remington gets home, he puts away some washing and empties the dishwasher before settling down with a book. For lunch, he heats up a tin of tomato soup, washing his bowl after and checking his phone again. This time, there's a reply from Andy.

I hope therapy went okay, kitty. Sorry for the late reply, been really busy this morning. Save me a hug, ok? ILY more

Abi wants me to eat cheese :(

Oh no. That doesn't sound like fun.

It's not.

Dw, I'll help u with it tomorrow. We're taking a day off.

Ok. Thank u. When're u coming home? I'm lonely and bored.

Two hours. I got to go. See u later, princess.

Okay, have fun!

For the two hours Andy is at the studio, Remington watches Netflix and posts on Instagram, replying to comments and jumping up off the couch when he hears the door open. "Andy-kins!" He greets, cheerful, and his voice lifts Andy's mood.

"Kitty cat!" Andy returns, closing the door behind him and untying his shoe laces. "You have no idea how good it is to see you."

Remington frowns. "Oh no, not been a good day?"

Andy shakes his head. "Anything but that, actually. So stressful. For some reason, studio times were fucked up and some other band were in out studio even though we had booked in months ago. They wouldn't leave and started having a go at me, for some reason, for just being there. I don't know. I couldn't wait to get out of there. We hardly did anything that we were planning to do. Anyway, it's so great that you're cheerful today."

"Sounds rough. Want a hug? I've got one just for you."

The older, hanging his jacket up, nods gratefully. "Yes please." He's wrapped in his husband's arms and sighs, closing his eyes and letting today's chaos settle. "Mm, you gotta hug me tighter," he whispers, "proper squeeze me."

Remington does, laughing when Andy coughs. "Was that too tight?"

"Just a bit. How's your day been?"

"Pretty good. Apart from being told I have to eat cheese. Ugh!"

Andy chuckles. "How're you feeling about getting a takeaway tonight? I really can't be fucked cooking."

"I'm happy to have curry and rice."

"Great! I'll order it in a bit. Gimme a kiss."

Remington grabs Andy's face and kisses him, both of them bursting into laughter for no particular reason.

"Oh man, I love you," Andy gushes, "you're like the best thing in the world."