Fix Me (Alternative ending)

Chapter 57

Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm, depression, anorexia, the lot.

Hands over his face, Remington tries to calm himself down, to be stable. "I didn't want you to think-to think you couldn't talk to me," he stutters, wiping at his eyes. "You're not a burden, Andy, you're never-you're never a burden."

Andy wants a hug but knows he shouldn't ask for one, not now. "It's such a mess," he mumbles, ashamed of himself.

"I know," Remington says, "but it's okay. Messes can be cleaned up. We'll-we'll clean it up." He wipes his eyes again, tears soaking into the bandage. "Please just...you can't keep trying to pretend you're always okay."

"I know."

Remington frowns. "Promise you'll talk about things more."

Andy doesn't promise because there'd be no point. He'd break it sooner or later and they both know it.

"Or at least talk to them about it."

"Them?"

"Your band."

Andy puts his head in his hands. "That's the damn problem. They're not my band. They're not my anything anymore. They're just..." he trails off, not sure if what he's about to say is a good idea. It'd probably upset the boy.

"They're just what?" Remington encourages.

"They're just...they're making something of their lives and I'm right back at where I was before I even started the band." He sighs. "Look, it's gonna end in another fight if this conversation continues."

"Why? Why would it end in a fight?"

"Never mind."

"No, tell me."

Andy regrets saying anything at all. "Because," he starts, "sometimes I wish I'd gone with them and left you."

Remington has no words. He can't believe that he just heard that right.

"I don't mean it in a rude way, I just...fuck it. I don't think I can do what I want while I'm with you."

"Got it."

"I-"

"You don't want me. Got it. Go now."

Andy doesn't move.

"Go," Remington repeats, "you don't want me, you don't need me, so go. Find someone you do want and try not to break their heart, too." He pulls the covers up over his head and sinks into the pillow.

"No, Rem-"

"Go."

Andy couldn't go even if he wanted to. It's like the universe is physically making it impossible for him to leave the boy. "No," he says.

Remington has never wanted to disappear more than he does right now. "You've said all you needed to say. You don't want me, you don't need me, you don't care about me or yourself or anything other than one fucking band and if that's how you feel then go, because I don't want to know someone like that."

"Remington, no, listen."

"No."

"Listen for literally ten seconds. I will always want you and I will always care about you, but I also need-"

"Space. You need space. That's what everyone says. One second it's space, the next, you're halfway across the world and fucking some mentally stable rich guy who makes you call him daddy."

"Let me finish. I will always want you but I also need you to understand that, sometimes, I can't be happy with you if nothing else in my life is what I want. Maybe it's selfish, but it's how I feel and you told me to tell how I feel."