MAC: FACTS AND UPDATES

2021

January 1st 2021

Okay. Well did anyone expect 2020? Not me. I have absolutely no expectations for 2021 because, like, what even was 2020 hahaha well I'm finished dancing on the table with my fam and bubble. What even.

Last year my mum had cancer, I started university, Covid happened, stuff...
I'm starting with a blank slate, I think.

So.. By the end of 2021..

Am I happy?
Is Covid done?
Can I go to a shop without a mask?
Did I pass 1st year?
Did we ever have a school reunion?
Did I go on holidays?
If so.. Where?
Did I do my solo trip?
Did I move into 2nd year?
Have I got my own house?
Is my family alright?
Are my pets okay?
Have I made new friends?
Happiest moment?
Am I still driving the fiat?
Did I get the vaccine?

Right, totally don't expect anyone to read this. But hello. I love you. And welcome to 2021.
Am I in for a car crash?
What's the weather like over there?
Hope you're doing okay in 2022 aaaaa!!

I spent 5 hours organising this solo trip, from Dublin to Los Angeles, to New Zealand South and North Island, then a tour on the east coast of Australia, Sydney to Cairns, then to Tokyo, then to Rome, then a train up to Florence and Milan... Then home.
In the back of my mind I know I won't be able to go because of Covid. But one day. I really really would love to do this. I needa stay in hostels, meet people, be spontaneous, find myself and lose myself.

8.1.21
I genuinely don't know where I'm going to do. I just wish the world made sense.

2.12.21
So yeah now it's December. I didn't really keep up with it this year. Lol.

2021 was kinda heavy.

I got a job at a petting zoo over the summer which was really lovely and rekindled my love for animals. Was actually alright working with kids as well and learned a lot about different species of lemurs, parrots, monkeys and lizards.

My mother is alive and well. My dad is okay I think. My brother
I don't find it easy to write these things

Im just always so scared my brother is not going to see happiness again. I just want him to be happy.
He's going through a really really awful awful time and I can't bear to watch him go through it.

I'd love to do that travelling I talked about at the beginning.

I'm going to London next weekend.

I have also booked a solo trip to Germany next month.

15.12.21
So London was really fun apart from my mother's 'fake stalker' showing up in the seat in front of us at Wicked... Yeah. Won't elaborate because it makes me sick to think about lol and he's police so can't report :))))

My dad's got cancer.

So has my mum :) great! Love this!

Just when my mental health gets better something always comes to bring me down.

But it'll be alright. I'm counting on it. They have to be alright. I don't know what I'll do.

I'm moving to Italy next year I hope. Would have loved to go to Sydney but I'm just not ready for that yet. Emotionally or financially.

Also going to Berlin in February.

I'd like to really journal on this again next year, it should be a very interesting year.

2021 was just a bit meh.

21.12.2021
I just really need to leave this country. Doesn't feel like my home anymore. Which hurts. Because I love where I live, I love this house, I love the mountains and the sea but it just doesn't feel like its where I belong anymore. My family are lovely, but I'm just so different to all my friends. Even my best friends, I've just drifted apart from them to the point that I really don't know if we'll ever be close again. We have nothing in common anymore.
They are all getting into relationships, even thinking about having kids. I guess we're in our twenties now but all I want to do is have fun.
I want to, one day, report that I'm quite happily drunk on a beach in the southern hemisphere after playing guitar beside a campfire and having a game of cards by the whitsundays.
Thats when I'll be happy.
When I get to stand on Whitehaven beach.
That'll be the day :)

23.12.21
One of my best friends attempted suicide tonight.
I just feel so terrified. Ive never ever felt that terrified before.
It's not that I didn't see it. I saw him 2 days ago, he wasn't that bad, he had just broken up with his boyfriend a few weeks ago but they were still friends.
We never really talk about feelings. Because we both don't like to. We only get to each other when it's almost too late.

I just want to be there. I just want to know for certain that he's okay. I nearly drove over but another one of his friends messaged his mother and she is with him now.

I can't sleep. I feel awful. I feel so awful. I want to be with him.

29.12
Update. I've seen him three times since then. Just went on long long drives.

Christmas is such a hard time for some people..

Always make the most of those around you.

Had a good Christmas.

I really hope I can get to Germany.

I'm terrified of the future. Nostalgic of the past.
I don't know what I want to do with my life.
I know I want to travel.
But where will the money come from?

Oh god what am I going to do??!

31st December 2021

Lol here we are. Well wasn't this quicker than last year's??
I've got a fringe and short hair. I'm up in my flat in derry about to have a baileys hot chocolate, try and finish an essay before midnight and then watch a romcom.

Happy New year.

So... At the beginning of the year I asked myself

Am I happy? Sort of? Idk. On and off. A bit scared. Very scared.

Is Covid done?
Haha no it's worse xx

Can I go to a shop without a mask?
Nope

Did I pass 1st year?
Yess

Did we ever have a school reunion?
No the school hates us lol

Did I go on holidays?
No. Well I went to London for a few days?

Did I do my solo trip?
In TWO WEEKS! HOPEFULLY!

Did I move into 2nd year?
unfortunately lol

Have I got my own house?
I do :)

Is my family alright?
Both parents have cancer, brother gone mad. Sister gone mad. But nobody is dead so we gucci :)

Are my pets okay?
All alive and well :) also have 2 new kitten additions in my sisters house.

Have I made new friends?
Made friends and now live with Lucy. But not really.

Happiest moment?
I don't really know? The cockapoo sitting on my arm? Driving home from uni to surprise my family? Playing duck duck goose at my friend's 19th? 'better than a slap in the eye with a sharp fish?' 'granny catcher?' lots of little moments.

Am I still driving the fiat?
Unfortunately lol but it shall go this summer.

Did I get the vaccine?
Yes several times.

Happy New year guys :)

Here's to 2022.