Now I See You // Jikook // ⚠18+⚠

*4*

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Song recommendation: Want-Taemin
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Dinner with Lisa and his parents was hell. 
Literal, burning, hell. 

It didn't start off bad, mostly because the pills were still making him feel happy and carefree. 
He greeted his girlfriend at the door, hugging her body closely and leaned down for a kiss. 
They had never done more than that. 
Just a few stolen kisses, and never with tongue or anything similarly indecent.
They were to wait until after marriage- which both their parents were already planning and preparing for. But since they were still not eighteen and Lisa would have to do two more years of school, it was still a long while ahead.

"Hey darling. What a nice welcome," she said in a baby voice, her smile broad and cute. 
He gave her another peck before leading her inside, taking the coat from her shoulders and placing a hand on her back as he guided her inside: the perfect gentleman he was raised to be.

His parents were immediately beaming the moment she stepped into their living room, scurrying around to meet her every need- and Lisa always had a lot of needs. It looked so comical to Jungkook, he couldn't suppress a grin. 

Their house was not pompous or modern like someone would expect from a senator of Seoul, but every piece in here cost at least a fortune: from the Victorian vase at the entrance to the pictures of Jesus and the birth of Maria, to the old tower clock. He hated that thing the most.
 
The dark sound of it's bell every hour always sent a feeling of foreboding through Jungkook's heart. As if something terrible was just waiting to happen.
His parents liked to come off as modest and humble when guests visited, so they kept it simple, yet homey, with a lot of wood and carpet and beige colored walls. 
Jungkook still couldn't suppress a shudder whenever he entered the room though. The many crosses with Jesus just seemed to watch his every step, their agonized faces judging him constantly. The box in his pocket burnt a whole through his trousers as the guilt and shame made it hard to breath. 
God's love was supposed to be enough to make him happy. 
But even when he tried- when he prayed day and night, confessing his sins and asking for forgiveness, the happiness hadn't come. 
Only the pills could make him feel something.

And now, sitting at the family table, he could feel their effect wearing off. 
He was starting to panic. 
His mother and father were in deep conversation about the next congress and how to proceed with charity matters, while Lisa listened intently, throwing in her own opinion every once in a while. With every word from her lips, his parents loved and adored her more. 
Meanwhile, Jungkook was fidgeting under the table. 
The headache had already started, and he desperately tried not to show it. It pounded against his temple like a wild beast, getting worse by the second. 

"What a nice idea, Lisa. Jungkook don't you think so?," his father suddenly asked and Jungkook winced in pain. So loud. Everything was too loud. Too much. 
"Yes, father. A brilliant idea."
His father's dark eyes landed on his son and next to the headache he also started feeling cold. 
He swallowed hard as he concentrated on his food again, feeling like he had somehow disappointed his father- again. 
He couldn't remember the last time his fathers gaze had made him feel anything else. 

It all happened sooner than expected. 
He tried to follow the conversation as he felt the layer of fog covering his heart, bringing with it the numbness. 
The colors disappeared and everything slowly turned grey and meaningless, even the pretty girl next to him. 
She was smiling a him angelically, laying a hand on his shoulder as she said something he didn't even register. He smiled, only because he had to. It didn't feel right. Nothing more than strange muscles moving on his face.