nyctophilia | J.JH

yoonoh pov

The vase breaks so do my heart the pain it's too hurtful for me to hear.

I want to blame someone but who do blame when I am the one to point.

The sky was getting gloomy with the colour becoming shady grey I groaned as I was excited to go home and to call haneul but the weather didn't match with my mood. I promised to talk to her right after my work was done and I kept my word by completing it quickly.

I was excited as always.

There was not a single day I would get bored if I talk about that one particular girl because I automatically smile just by hearing her name.

I quicker my steps to go home as fast as I want too. But the weather was not on my side as it starts to pour heavenly with no stopping of it.

I ran and stop at the bus stop while dusting off the water from my clothes and glance at my phone to see the time. I sighed. "It's going to be 6 soon." I waited for the bus to arrive but I notice the traffic jam that might take another hour of wait. She will be waiting for me.

Instead of wasting time by standing there, I decide to use my legs.

And I regret my choice but there was nothing I could do when our fate was already written and it was meant to happen with no excuses. I hated it.

I started to run and protecting myself from the books I was holding them. That's when I reached the road crossing and that moment I really don't know but my heartbeat started to hammer loudly.

It wasn't a pleasant sound.

I shrugged the feeling away and walk off when I saw the green light. The feeling distracted me not knowing I would dump into someone making my phone fall with a click sound my eyes widened I stood frozen for a second until I was going to pick up but I felt a strong pushed bringing me on my butt. "Ouch!" I groaned.

"You should be a caring young man." I turned to see a man talking or also might be the person who pushed me to saved me as I didn't realise the light already turned red. I bow and thank him.

But my eyes watched in horror as my phone was being smashed by the running cars.

What to do? That's what I questioned myself every day.

There was no hope for that crashed metals to be fixed but what feared me was that I kept her hanging.

I ran my hand into my hair in a frustrated way as I closed my eyes to calm myself knowing I still didn't have any solutions. "I really fucked up."

I began to feel pathetic on my self. It began more difficult to have any touches with her with my parents coming back to Seoul and no one had her number.

Does fate hate me so much? Isn't this suffering enough for you.

I was tried when all I wanted was to go back to her warm arms so she could give her her bear's hugs. I chuckled bitterly. I forgot even luck hates me as my finales were the next day.

I searched for ways.

Failed

Hoped?

You told me to reach my goals but what about you? How can I forgive myself when I was selfishly and helplessness roaming?

How can I reach you? Near was never there all I knew the far like the sky up there. Are you looking at it too?

Days went into months and I was finally here.

The train stopped as the journey took for 4 weeks I don't mind how tired I was when all I wanted to be there. I was happy to be back I ran with my beating heart.

I breathe out heavily at looked at the house and all I could say is it's been a while. My hands hesitate to ring the bell-like the day when haneul disappear. Ding dong

My hand's sweat I couldn't explain what to feel when the door open wide only to see a person who wasn't her.

"Who are you?" Asked the woman with a raised brow judging me by a suspicious look. I snapped out disappointed. "Umm, I'm-"

"Are you Jung Yoonoh!" She exclaimed like she just solved a riddle. I narrowed my eyes surprise to see a strange know my name. "Yes?"

"Oh, please come in."

I sat on the same sofa that felt similar yet strange without knowing the house felt oddly empty. I thank when she served me tea. "So, you must be thinking about how I know you. Right?" I nodded.

"I'm the maid and the caretaker of this house and miss haneul told me that you will come."

My brows rose as my eyes gleamed to feel a raising hope. "Then where is she?" I asked but only to see her face dropped down before letting out a heavy hard sigh.

"She's not here anymore."

For the first time, I felt like I wanted to be deaf from the unbearable words that gave me the pain of guilt. She told me everything how what happened and what was the discussion she made for herself and how she knew my reason for not being there with her.

I'm the worst.

I couldn't let out a word but I wanted to ask. "Where is she now?" I looked at her and she shakes her head. "She told me not to tell you and give you this." I stare at the piece of paper and takes it.

People started to look at me as to how numb and emotionless I looked.

My room was quiet as the darkness started to take over the space I still didn't open it afraid the fear that made me a coward. But I made my mind to do it too.

Hi! Yoonoh.

If your reading this that means I'm already gone hahaha
You must be shocked but don't worry about me okay I'm fine and will be healthy so don't you be sad and be happy and remember I always loved you:)

Love, haneul

PS: don't spend your Time finding me because you can't.

The paper crumbles as I clutch it while my mind goes in a deep though of darkness. My hand went to my phone and starts to dial her number that I found. It's was pitiful yet I did it.

The number you are calling is unreachable please try again.

The warm tears fall down my cheek as it continues while I sob painfully.

You were right there's nothing I can do to catch you. You were beautiful but all I could do was stare.

It's still raining and I'm crying.

Summer is coming to an end and I remain here-

While you'll keep going far away, to the other and I could only watch you.

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