TSFS: The Masquerade Striders

Sakina Zivai

Hazel

That night I tossed and turned, the sheets lumping up in circles around me as I squinted my eyes shut, trying to clear my mind, leaving the water settled, but failing.

Everything around me was so pressuring at the moment, and it didn't make me feel any better surviving another night alone without Drew in the bed. Just the thought of him never being able to sleep in the same bed with me again haunted me.

Waking up wasn't any better either. Once I finally did manage to fall asleep, waking up wasn't anymore easier.

I wasn't sure how I've been able to make it this far. I just wanted to collapse on the floor, and fall into an external cry, tears just melting off of my face as all of the muscles in my body give in, leaving me feeling numb with nothing to feel in the first place.

I wanted to disappear. In a way I didn't want to die, but at the same time I didn't want to live. It's almost like I didn't know what to feel. Whether it was dread, or the dark sag bags tattooed under my eyes for god knows how long. The raspy linger in my throat that had the worst moist aftertaste.

Forcing myself out of bed, I stared blankly at the ground. Quietly admiring the different cracks in the wooden tile, carelessly carved in the cold, solid surface. As my bare feet hit the ground, regret flew over me, as I felt my warm blood float all the way down the back of my head, letting a groan escape my mouth.

"Jesus," The damp early morning hoisted me down.

I walked into the bathroom, nudging the cold water on, bending my tired face to the bathroom sink, splashing some of the cold water onto my face.

It felt nice, like a wake up call.

Some of the water dripped down onto my shirt, leaving a damp wet spot on it. I stare at it, taunting me in the mirror, using my index finger to try to rub the mistake away.

I sigh, stumbling out of the bathroom and into my empty kitchen. It felt off living in a house alone, Madeline left last night, finally sleeping back in her apartment with Bianca.

Wandering the shelves of the fridge, I stared blankly at the uncooked eggs in front of me.

Drew usually made me breakfast.

I felt as if I failed at life, not being able to cook myself an egg, or fetch me some toast with butter on it. That's how low my life was at the time.

I washed some fresh strawberries from the fridge, guessing Madeline or Maya had bought them from the grocery store downtown sometime this week.

As I cut them up, I glanced at my reflection in the knife. The knife in my left hand, with a staggering sharp blade that even looking at it, it gave me the chills. Cold chills that were sent down my spine, making me feel uncomfortable with each slice I parted down the juicy, red strawberry.

I placed them in a bowl, grabbing a fork from the cabinet and peering at a sit at the kitchen table. Just yesterday, I sank to the floor next to it, breaking down to the girls about Drew's death, in that moment the world actually felt like it was ending, falling apart at the second.

I sat in my chair, hesitating to pick up my fork. My hand felt like a million cramps were planted into it, battling at war each second, it ached.

As I ate my food, the entire house sat quiet, the only noise erupting from the distance was the white noise from the fridge, and the low buzz from outside.

If I felt exhausted now, just wait until today.

-

Arriving at the Masquerade Striders HQ, I stepped into the small village, walking into the normal routine of going into the tall glass building, and into Crystal's main throne. As much as I hated to be there, getting fresh air was a good feeling, the damp misty sky fitting my exact mood today.