The Last Kiss Goodbye

Chapter 14 I just feel . . .She can love me better than my mom can

Chapter 14 I just feel . . . she can love me better than my mom can

I take a step back and let the door swing back where I just was.  I walk back into the plain light green hall way and just sit on the floor with my back on the wall and my feet up to my chest.  I start to rock myself back and forth.  This can't be happening.  This can't be happening!  I keep repeating into my head. 

                                                                                                           It's already depressing enough my loved one is in the horrible stage he is in and now, this!  What if I can't take it?  What if this is too much? 

I almost feel as if I should just go back in there and snap on him and ask him why and all this other stuff but I'm too upset to be filled with full anger right now.

                                                                                         Is this why my mom's been ignoring me, and my dad too?  What if my mom doesn't know. . . 

I'm not even going to attempt to go get something to eat anymore.  I wasn't even hungry to begin with.

Why would two people be making out in the cafeteria anyway?  That's just sick!  Especially if one of them is married, with a family!  

I slowly get up and slowly walk back up to Damon's room.  As I get up there and get in Damon's room, I go to the chair beside Damon and curl up in a ball and fall asleep.  Nobody says a word to me.

*****Space*****

"You want to talk about it?" Gretna examines.  I nod her a 'no' with my head healed a tad low.

                                                                                   When I woke up Damon's friend was gone and Damon was asleep and Gretna was reading.  When she saw I was awake she softly told me Reese  told her to tell me he said 'bye' and he said he'll try to come back tomorrow and he wishes me luck.  Then she said she noticed I was upset when I walked in and feel asleep and that's what led it to where we are right now.               

"Well I'm here for you.  You do know that right?" she asks me in a sad voice.                                                                                                              "Yeah, and I want to thank you for being so nice to me" I tell her twirling my thumbs.  I as well want to add, I also want to thank you for being like a mom to me.  My mother hasn't been acting like it lately.  But I don't.                                                                                                    

"Aw sweetie, don't say that.  You're the one that's been so nice to my baby.  I mean, if I was in your shoes I don't know how I could take it so smooth like you do knowing the guy I like can't remember me.  You're so brave!"  She tells me.                                                                                      

I look up.  "Thanks" I tell her and go back to my thumbs blushing.         All of a sudden I get the emotion to ask her if she'd adopt me.  Why?  I don't know.  I just feel . . . she can love me better than my mom can.  Is it a bad thing I just thought about that? 

She doesn't say anything more and goes back into the book she has been reading for the past few days now.  I try to read what that cover of it is but fail.  She has it bended back so she can I guess read the page better.              I also feel as I want to ask her what the book title is but I don't.  I don't even read so why would it be important to read the cover of a book I would probably never pick up? 

 I look over and see Damon Is sleeping so peacefully.  I wish I could be like him.  He seems he doesn't care he's in the hospital, or where he can't remember things.  I think it would drive me crazy if I couldn't remember everything. 

                                                                                           I pick a random bunch of my hair and start to braid it for no reason in the world.  I am honestly bored out of my mind.  I almost feel as I need to do something.  I hate just sitting here and doing nothing.  But I would rather be here with Damon and nowhere near him.

I start to zone out in thought on the moments Damon and I had to together.  How perfect I felt being around him and got the feeling he felt prefect around me too.  Now it almost feels different.  Like, I still love him.  But he doesn't love me.

I picture him waking up and saying, 'Jaylin!  I've missed you!  Where have you been?'  And being back to the old Damon I knew.  Like for the past few days he's just been in a fog and just got fully out. But I doubt that's going to happen.

                                                                                         As I start to think of more ways to get him to remember Damon's mom taps me on the arm.  I jump out of seat focusing back into the present of time.  "Sorry!  I didn't mean to frighten you.  I was just going to ask you if you wanted anything from the cafeteria.  It's closing soon and I'm getting a tad hungry.  You want to come with or want anything?" 

 A lump in the throat grows.  I feel as if a brick has just gotten in the throat and I can't breathe.  I can't say anything!  I take in a few deep breaths then answer her saying, "No thank you.  I'm all good."  

"Ok, well if you change your mind come get me or call me" she answers hesitating then walking out the door.

I wait until she fully walks out and you can hear the door clicking back, telling it is fully shut.                                                                                         My eyes start to fill with tears and try to hold then back but fail.  I undo the braid I've just done and then put my legs up to my chest.  I hug my legs so tight it almost feels as if I might loose the circulation. 

I look back and forth in the room making sure Gretna will not be walking back in the room.  The room sounds clear. 

I weakly let go of my legs and get out of the chair that I am in that's right next to Damon.  I get on my knees and take his hands. 

 "Damon.  Remember.  Please remember me.  I miss you.  And I need someone to talk too, to tell everything too.  And I feel I don't have that anymore.  Because I feel like I don't have you anymore.  I don't know how you are going to be able to do it but please remember what happened, and remember me.  I don't know what I can do if I can't have you.  I miss you Damon.  And I want you back.  I miss you.  I also love you."  I finish all in tears that have leaked out all over his hand also. 

 I lightly place my head over where we have our hands hold together.  I kiss his hand and pull my head back up.  He's still asleep but all of a sudden I feel that he heard me, and understands me.   

I feel him tighten my hand like saying, 'don't let go'.  All of a sudden I undergo the feeling I have been dying to feel.  Hope.