Work In Progress

Panic

Day one:

She woke up in excruciating pain. She tried to open her eyes but one is swollen shut. Her sight isn't the best in the one eye she has open. As she is processing what happened she felt a familiar hand brush through her hair as if they were trying to calm her down. A feeding tube is in her nose? She tried to reach her hand up to see who it is but she noticed an unfamiliar weight and is too weak to pick it up. She glanced down and see a cast on her arm and leg.

Day two:

She again woke up, this time it's easier to raise her hand up. She goes to speak but she can't? She used all of her power to raise her hand to her mouth. Her jaw is wired shut. "God damn it." She thought frustrated. With her hand still being by her mouth a hand grabs hers and pulls it back down. The figure reveals itself to her and goes to kiss her hand. It's Derek. Tears streamed down her face. She had no way of communicating. She turned her head away from him in frustration.  Things were finally getting easier and then this?

Day three:

She's on a Gurney getting pushed to O.R two. She feels Derek's presence watching her. He looked out of his mind scared but trying to keep it together for her. She missed her kids. He grabs her hand and kisses it. He goes as far as he can go until Bailey and Jo push her into the O.R. They are still trying to speak to her. Are they stupid? Don't they think she would've tried to respond to them in some shape or form. She gets moved onto the operating table. An arm reaches over her and sedates her.

Day 17:

Derek never left his wife's side he slept on the rocking chair in her room every night consumed by everlasting guilt. Sometimes Alex would visit until Jo eventually would make him go home.  Derek would go home too, she knew he felt horrible. He had to take care of their kids and some days he wouldn't even show up to the hospital. As much as it pained her, she understood why. Today was different she got to see her kids. She was missing the most vulnerable parts of Ellis's life. Believe it or not she missed hearing Ellis scream at the top of her lungs in the middle of the night before a big day at work. She missed doing math homework with Zola. She missed playing video games she didn't quite understand with Bailey. Today though, she got to see them. Derek walked over and sat on the bed with her.

She groaned in pain when he sat down.

"I'm sorry Mer.." Derek said forcing a smile. "But you know what, you get to see the kids today!"

She smiled with her bracey teeth showing. He placed a blanket over her while Arizona applied makeup to cover up her very visible bruises. Alex left the room to get the kids from daycare. She felt better than she had in a long time, mentally obviously.  Physically her body ached as if pins and needles were poking her with every movement.  Derek got up to grab Ellis.

Alex entered the room with Zola and Bailey holding their tiny hands. She smiled which scared Zola, seeing her mother look like a monster.

"Zozo! Come to mommy!" She spoke through her gritted teeth.

"I don't want to.." She said as she turned around to run away. Bailey didn't speak but soon followed the actions of his older sister.  Alex followed them and asked them if they wanted to go the cafeteria distracting the children of what had happened.

Derek entered the room with a confused yet concerned look on his face.  He tried to hand her Ellis but, the baby started crying and she was physically unable to do anything to make her child feel better. He pulled her away from my grip.

"I'm so sorry Meredith." He frowned. She shooed him off with her hand and pouted. As he left the room with Ellis her chest felt tight. Her heart was racing and her lip started trembling. The room was spinning.

Arizona entered the room with a confused look plastered on her face. Meredith readjusted myself as she felt her body trying to leave her skin. She scratched her face and arms trying to escape. Her eyes danced with Arizona's as she cried out "I can't breathe!"  She repeated the same sediment at least five times. She told her to stay still as she freed her from the jail. She could catch her breath.

Derek strolled back in the room to Arizona taking the wires out of her mouth. "What the hell happened?" He asked concerned.

Arizona threw her hands up "I think she might've had a panic attack and well she couldn't breathe so I took the wires off-" She stammered.

Later that night

She was back in her bed and silently tears rolled down her face. She stared out the window in anger. "What had I done to deserve this?" She thought while crying silently.

"Hey." Derek said softly as he climbed into bed with her. Her body was rolled to the view of the window and he rubbed her arm to make her feel better. She moved his hand as a way to tell him to leave her alone.  She didn't need his pity, he left her once why not just do it again and get it over with.  She turned around to glare at him for not leaving her alone. He looked upset, now she felt worse. She hit her head on the pillow out of anger or just pure frustration. Hating him. Hating herself for hating him. Hating her children for not wanting to see her. Her tears hit her black and white shirt. Derek brushed the hair out of her face.

"Do you want to write on white board?" He suggests. She nods.

"Song?" She wrote.

" A song?" He giggled

She smiled wildly.

He pulled out his phone and played "My Girl". He held her hands gently swaying them as if to make her dance. She giggled. He got back in the bed and wiped the tears off of her face. "You're so beautiful. I love that you're my wife."