Work In Progress

Fill the Void

"Time of death 14:52." One of the scrub nurses mummered. Amelia collapsed to her knees sobbing. "You did everything you could." Jo explained choked up.

"Oh god, Derek. What the hell am I supposed to tell him, I killed her. She survived a bomb, a shooting and a plane crash, even getting attacked by a patient which was also my fault. A simple surgery and I killed her." She started. hyperventilating. "Oh my god."

Jo left in a hurry to look for Alex. She found an empty bathroom.  "Answer your page, jesus." She paced back and forth.

"I'm not allowed to be in here." He walked into the bathroom. "What's wrong?"

"Dr. Gre- Meredith died in surgery."

"No, stop messing with me. It's not funny Jo." His voice broke.

"I'm serious."

"No you're not."

She grabbed him. "Alex look at me."

He pushed her off of him. He immediately left the room. He had to calm himself down. He had to tell Derek. He couldn't cry, he couldn't afford to. He found Bailey. "Where is Derek?"

"Daycare, why is something wrong?"

Alex entered the room. "Derek."

"Yes Karev?"

"We need to speak outside of here."

His face grew concerned. And immediately shot up and followed him outside the room. "Meredith" He paused taking a deep breathe. "Meredith died during surgery. Jo thought I should be the one to tell you."

"What?"

"Meredith died."

"No no, I heard you. How the hell did this happen? It's a fucking easy surgery!" He yelled.

"We should talk somewhere-else." He tried grabbing him.

"Don't fucking touch me." His hands raised to his head. "Just how the hell...how the hell did this happen? She went in to have her tremor fixed and now she's gone. She is gone forever. How the hell-" He collapsed to his knees hands holding his head. Alex knelt to his knees matching his height. "How are my kids going to live without a mother?" His sobs were muffled by Alex trying to comfort him in the best way possible. Jo found them two. "He knows?"

"Yeah." He spoke softly.

"Dr. Shepherd could I talk to you about what happened?"

"Okay." He sniffled getting up off the ground.

The three entered a board room. "Dr. Shepherd's surgery was going smoothly. Then the bleeding became extensive and her blood started to clot rapidly.  Faster then anyone could've expected."

"I don't need to know the rest." The pain becoming too real. He left the room. "I need to see her."

"Derek she isn't here. She wouldn't be her."

"Just let me see her, I won't believe it until I see her so please lead me to where she is."

Jo begrudgingly led him. "I'll let you be."

His hand caressed Meredith's face. Her skin was freakishly pale with hues of green and blue. "I'm so sorry Mer. I should've never pushed you to do this. You were scared, I'm so so sorry." His tears fell to her body. He grabbed her hands. They were limp, not that he expected her to move but the thought was there. "I don't know how to tell the kids Mer. You knew everything, you were so strong."

Amelia entered the room "They told me you'd be here."

"Leave."

"Derek."

"Amelia leave!" He shouted.

Jo and Alex saw her come out the door. "He doesn't want to see me. Like ever."

"Come home with me, Amelia." Jo offered. "You shouldn't be alone."

She nodded.

Derek eventually left the room. Alex led him up to the daycare. "I can tell the kids."

"I should. It's my fault she's gone, I should."

"Derek."

He entered the room. "Can we see mommy!?" Zola jumped up and down. "Yeah can we?" Bailey giggled.

"We can't see her."

"Why?" Zola said tugging on his shirt begging.

"You know how mommy went to get her brain fixed?"

"Yeah."

"Her brain didn't like what was happening and started to bleed you know? Like when you get a boo boo."

"She needs a bandaid." Bailey said unaware while Zola knew where this was going. Sadness was placed all over her face.

"Bailey.."  He paused. "Momma died."

Tears fell down his daughters face while his son was still processing. He scooped them into a hug.

Alex watched from the window. A single tear fell down his face. He turned around and went to the nursery part of the daycare grabbing Ellis. He told her all about how his mother was a brilliant human. It was more a way of venting knowing that she wouldn't remember it.  He told her all about how she saved him from himself and how she fought for everyone. More and more tears ran down his face.  He eventually set her back down.

He decided to make his way down when he saw Richard consoling Bailey. Apparently word got around quick.

That night created an inevitable resentment of Amy for Derek.