Work In Progress

Scars and Souvineirs

About a two weeks after my episode she was at home living a life she didn't recognize. In a home that was foreign. Photos hung on the fridge of kids with Derek and Meredith. One photo in particular held a picture of a small girl with Ebony skin. Derek had put post-it's next to the photos with their names. This one in particular read out Zola.

"Mer it's okay, things like these take weeks to months for memory to come back after a traumatic surgery. You know this."

She ignored him. She hated this. Her coping mechanism was staying quiet besides when she visited with the kids, rare but happens. Most days she spends stuck in their bed crying, staring at the blank wall. While Derek cleaned the house and took care of the kids feeling guilt. All she wanted was to see her kids when she got attacked and now had no recollection of them.

Her head throbbed in pain but she didn't want to put more pressure on him. Since he did everything else. Bruises scattered her body like puzzle pieces trying to put together a puzzle. The kids didn't understand and Zola had resentment towards her mother. Nothing was okay. To top that off Derek got a phone call that Lou wanted to reach out.

He didn't tell Meredith. They barely spoke and when they did it was Derek talking to merely a corpse.

"Mer, I got a call from Lou." He started. Meredith furrowed her eyebrows with confusion. "Right. He is the man that attacked you and he wants to reach out and-" His words cut off as Meredith went to grab a pillow to cover her ears. His eyes boiled with tears as he walked out of the room.

Alex had stopped by to pick up the kids. Derek appreciated the gesture as the kids were always complaining to see their mother and he had no good explanation for them. Not one they would understand or how their mother never left her bed or spoke actual words.

She was a ghost.

Their room was mostly quiet before it was filled with sobs from his wife yet, he was determined to help bring back old memories they had shared over the years. He wrote on different colored post-it's. With vibrant colors such as purple, blue, and pink to make things just a little bit happier.

He walked into the room to find her holding a photo books filled with polaroids to film photos. The particular page she was on was Lexie holding Zola. She stared at the page and looked up to her husband standing by the door frame.

"Where's Lexie?" She spoke softly with wonder in her eyes.

How does one simply tell their wife that their sister died in a plane crashed they can't recall?

Derek glanced at her.

"We were in a plane crash, do you remember?"

She shook her head as a way to signal no with a concerned look on her face.

"Meredith, she died."

Instead of the expected sadness she reached over to grab the photo book and slammed it against the wall, leaving a dent on the wall. Anger filled her body but was soon overturned with sadness once again. Tears streamed down her cheek.

"God fucking damn it!" She screamed.

Derek went to calm her but she shoved him away.

The next day Derek was met with a note that had been left by Meredith. His heart broke into a thousand pieces. The note read:

Derek, I am filled with remorse. You are my everything and you don't deserve any of this. You deserve someone who can remember your past to have a better future, the kids do too. I broke our family and I am so sorry.  Sorry doesn't express what I am truly feeling. Regret. Regretful for doing this. Regretful of not being strong enough. Regretful of not appreciating what I had before it was gone. I remember Addison but not my own kids. I know useless medical knowledge, not my kids. You changed my life. Derek you are my life. I wish I could stay at the house and pretend everything was fine, it's not.  I am effecting everyone around me in a negative way and I can't live with that. I will pay for the damage I did to the wall. I am sending divorce and custody papers when I find a destination. A safe one obviously. I quit my job . I hope you find peace Derek. I love you.

                                    Sincerely, Mer <3

The paper was stained with tears. Her perfume.
Meredith's perfume. She had sprayed the paper with her perfume. One of the many things she left. All she took were her clothes but left behind his favorites of hers. Her ratty dartmouth shirt, her white collared shirt, and so many more. She made a box that was filled all of the scents she wore. Her lavender conditioner at the top. Her clothes neatly folded by the box. All of her necklaces but the one that hurt the most was the wedding ring that laid on top.  She kept her engagement ring as a constant memory of him. She was there and then she wasn't in the blink of an eye