Work In Progress

Words, Words, Words

"Uh, Derek." Meredith spoke quietly entering the room. "I'll have the surgery."

"What made you change your mind?"

"The kids. I want a chance to know them. I want to be able to live life without thinking about everything....everything that happened."

"Are you sure Mer? I know I kind forced you into it." He cautioned.

"I am."

She walked over to Ellis's crib holding onto it. "I wish" She paused taking a breath. "I wish none of this happened, any of it. When you know bits and pieces of your life and everyone else has the puzzle pieces is it truly your life?"

"I don't know." He answered honestly.

"I think I would've been fine if I recognized my own kids. That was the most, is the most terrifying thing. Imagine one day you were approached and said you have three kids and they all know you. You don't know them, you don't know anything. You know the most useless things but your stupid stupid  brain couldn't even remember your damn kids. I can't stay around them for that long it becomes too much. But I know Zola the most, she makes an effort. She's smart."

"Yeah, she is." He cracked a smile.

"Bailey is..loud." She laughed "And Ellis is adorable and also very loud."

"Yeah."

"I need to know them. I need my life back."

As soon as he went to respond Ellis started crying. Her eyes met the small baby wanting to just pick her up but knew she would do more harm. He picked up the tiny baby and left her alone in the room. She sighed walking over to the window. Feeling hopeless she walked over to Zola's room. "Hi Zozo." She smiled.

"Hi momma."

"Can we talk?"

Zola shook her head yes.

"Have these past months been confusing for you?"

"Yeah."

"Me too." She joked darkly. "Have you been okay?"

"I love uncle Alex but I miss you and daddy. He says you hurt your head badly and now you have a hard time remembering things like Ellis."

She stared. "Like Ellis? I'll be sure to thank him for that, but he is right. I'm trying to make things better."

"I miss you." She frowned with tears in his eyes. Meredith pulled her into a tight hug, knowing she couldn't say the same killed her. Muffled cries sounded throughout the house. As soon as Zola pulled away Meredith found something she could say honestly. "I love you Zo. You should get ready for bed, go get your brother please."

"Ellis is fed. Do you want to hold her?" Derek asked entering the room.

"I..I don't want to hurt her."

"I'm right here, if anything happens i'm here." He reassured her passing her the small child.

"We'll get through this right?" She stared at him with big eyes.

"We always do. I was gone and I came back and you were pregnant. You forgave me. We get through stuff like this."

"She's adorable."

"She looks just like you."

The two chatted for the majority of the night. When morning struck Dereks first mission was to call Richard. His second, feeding the kids. Meredith didn't hear Richard but could hear her husband loud and clear.

"Hey, I thought I should bring it to your attention that my wife has a tremor in her hand. Yes she's okay. I was just wondering if it would be possible to fit her in for surgery before next week. Oh great. Yeah. Thank you, bye."

"What are you doing it's seven in the morning?" She groaned.

"Taking care of my wife." He said planting a kiss on her lips.

"So when's the surgery?"

"Thursday."

"That's two days away." She stated nervously.

He was already out the door before he could hear her, he made his way to Zola and Baileys room. He grabbed them their favorite cereal and went to grab Ellis from her crib to only find Meredith holding her. "What if..this is one of the last times I hold her?"

"Mer.." Derek sympathized.

"What if I lose function in my hand? What if i'm paralyzed. You think it's in my best interest right?"

"I wouldn't have made the call if I didn't know."

He sat next to her on the bed. She leaned on him adjusting. "No more Alex and no more Jo, I want to know my kids."

"Okay."