Work In Progress

Lost in Time

Derek grabbed Meredith's hand from the front seat.

"I am not a child why do I have to sit in the back? Oh I know because, if I am in the front I will unlock the door and jump out. I am not five." She pouted.

"You don't have to see Lou if you aren't ready." He reassured her.

She ignored his remark and stared at the window. She sat by two car seats, both different. One was obviously made for a newborn and the other for a toddler. In the pockets of the car were fruit snacks and animal crackers.

"It's so weird, I wish I could explain. It's like I hate myself but not me but me. When did I become a soccer mom? God, I hate not knowing anything. I hate having questions about my own life. I hate that you have to deal with me and the kids. I look in the mirror and it's not me. I wish everything were normal. "

"Me too.." He inquired. "After we get home we are heading to the hospital to see Lou. Are you absolutely sure you are in the right head space?'

Meredith shook her head yes and as if she were a kid she drew on the window with her finger. She giggled.

"What's so funny?" Derek said with eyes glued on the road.

"I drew a cow." she smirked.

He shook his head as they turned into the drive way. Her head turned to see Amelia with such a tiny baby in a pink car seat. Meredith opened the car door, her legs still a bit shakey since she had never went to rehab and decided to flee. Her eyes were now focusing on her legs struggling to keep balance. Blonde tendrils covered her flushed face. Derek made a mental note and rushed over to his struggling wife now leaning on him for balance. "I can walk Derek." He ignored her as they continued to make the way to their house. Amelia broke the silence and offered them inside. Derek took Ellis to the nursery while Meredith sat down to give her legs a break.

Zola dashed to visit her mother. "I've missed you." She said with tears brimming her eyes. Meredith taken aback by her comment hugged her tightly. "I've missed you too." She lied through her teeth. Of course she felt horrible about it as anyone would with a crying child glued to their side would. Nausea took over her body completely and her face was red. She grasped on to the child like a life vest searching for Derek over her shoulder.

"Hey Zo, why don't we go get ready for the day?" A familiar voice spoke.

"Hi Amelia." She croaked. Amy gave a insecure wave and walked her Zola to the bathroom.

Derek entered the room and helped Meredith up. She walked over to their bedroom, a place she hadn't seen in a long time. All of a sudden her legs gave out from under her and she held on to her bedsheets for dear life. As stubborn as she was, she had given up and crawled over to her wheel chair still refusing to show Derek she needed help. Yet Bailey heard the thump and ran over to find his mother on the ground. He stood in the door frame staring at her. "Mommy are you okay?" Tears rimmed her eyes. "Yeah.." Bailey ran to get his father while Meredith attempted to get to her wheel chair.

He stood in the doorframe "You know there is no shame in asking for help." She felt defeated like all of her fight was gone. He watched her hold up her hands like she was a toddler asking for help. He walked her to the wheel chair.  Derek wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead, comforting her. "I can walk Derek." 

"Can you?" Amelia giggled from the other room. Derek turned back his head at his sister piercing her with his eyes. He left their room to grab Zola and Bailey to get them ready to leave for the hospital. Meredith rolled over to visit with Ellis. They both stared with each other with mesmerized eyes. She was wearing a pink onesie with white polka dots, her hair in pigtails. Her arms reached out for Meredith from her car seat. She unbuckled the seat belt and held her in her arms. She had rocked her back and forth until the small baby had fell asleep. She finally felt somewhat content. 

Derek walked into the room and saw the scene. He smiled with just a bit of relief. He was happy things were going back to normal even if it was in slow motion. Although things may never return to the same if she can't remember.  Meredith turned to Derek "Blood. I remember there was a lot of blood and I mean a lot. Then we were at a hospital, I think?" She paused. "She was there, right?" A smile formed on Derek's face "Yeah, that's right." Her face beamed with happiness and for once she was crying tears of joy. This woke Ellis up and caused her to go into a screaming fit which startled Meredith. Derek went to grab her but she reassured him she could do it. 

While she was calming Ellis down, Derek went back to his original mission to grab the kids. Zola was wearing a bright pink shirt with ratty jeans and tennis shoes. While Bailey wore a Mariners jersey and ripped jeans with black shoes. Both fit their personality but she wouldn't have  known that. Meredith had picked out more dressier clothes since they were leaving to see Lou. She wore a greyish pink plaid collared shirt and dress pants. 

After Ellis had calmed down they went to exit the door but were stumped by the circumstances she couldn't get the wheel chair outside the door.  She weakly stood up and walked out the door before grabbing on to the side of their house to remain balanced. Amelia offered help in which she gladly accepted. Derek put the kids in the car and Amelia had helped Meredith to the car.

"Now am I going to sit in the front with you or in the back like a fucking child?" 

"Smart ass." He laughed. "Sit by me."

She sat by Derek while Amelia moved the wheel chair into the trunk of the car. The kids waved bye to their parents as they left to see the person who started it all.