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❝ I want my cake and I want to eat it too

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❝ I want my cake and I want to eat it too

I want to have fun and be in love with you

I work on a drawing, sitting by the window with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. Fai took his mother to the hotel and I have some time to finish this sketch. I'm working on Fai's tattoo.

Initially, I finished one drawing, but I changed my mind and realized I wanted something else for him. I wanted something that'd remind him of me because I'm too selfish to let him forget me.

I have time tonight because I'm off work. I've been working less and less at the club because it makes me sick to the stomach being around all those men and having their eyes on me. It's never bothered me that much before, but things drastically changed for me in just a few months.

I lay the notebook down on my thighs for a second, rubbing my eyebrow. I lean back and exhale the smoke of cigarette out, feeling the cold air hit the back of my neck.

My finals start next week and I haven't started preparing yet. I don't really care that much because I know I'll get a good grade, but I don't strive for perfection. It just has to be good enough so I get into the university I want and that's it.

I hear the front door open, indicating that Fai came back. I hear him take off his shoes and put the car keys on the table. He had to borrow a car from Jon. He comes to the bedroom and stops when he sees me by the window. He looks visibly tired and I feel all that more guilty for getting his mother here like that.

I'm happy they had a chance to see each other after so much time, but I realize that the circumstances weren't the best and my reaction was too quick. I don't want to hurt Fai.

He sits on the bed, facing me and he lets out a long sigh. I silently offer him my half-finished cigarette because it looks like he needs it more than me and he gratefully takes it. "I'm working on your tattoo," I inform him, but I don't show it to him.

He doesn't react to my words. "I haven't finished yours yet."

I shrug and close the notebook. "That's fine."

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