I meet him at the right time. Or a completely wrong one, depending on the perspective you look from.
I am not the one to fall head over heels in love with someone and he is not the guy someone should even fall in love with.
But there are all the wit...
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❝ We got a ride, we got the night ❞
❦
I have a happy place.
And that's the rooftop at Harper's dorm. It's really nothing special, it's just abandoned and dirty rooftop, but that's why I love it so much. No one ever comes up here.
It's windy up here tonight. There's a big, thick concrete wall, but not big enough to hide the view this height has to offer. But the wall isn't my limit. I usually climb up on it, sitting there or standing on it, just looking down at the streets beneath – the cars, the people; everything.
Standing so close to the edge at such height gives me a rush and it fills me with adrenaline. I'm not suicidal and I don't think about throwing myself off, but I could. I could end it all by just taking one step. And that's what brings me a rush. I'm dancing on the edge of death.
I often think what goes through someone's mind when they're standing so close to the edge, minutes away from ending it all. And what goes through their minds in those seconds they're falling. Are they happy? Relieved? Scared? Regretting it?
Do they feel the same rush I do when I'm up here?
I come up here when I need to think. When I need a reminder that life can still be great, no matter how many bad things happen. Looking down and knowing I'm seconds away from dying if I decided to makes me think back on all the good times and makes me appreciate everything nice happening to me. Because when you're used to bad things, you appreciate the nice things a little bit more.
I'm a dreamer. I'm a person with dreams and plans. I'm reminded of it. I want to become someone in life. I'm curious where I'll be years from now. This is why I could never jump. I still have hope. Because I know I can do everything I put my mind to – everyone can. And I'm still too curious about why I was put on this Earth. Everyone has a mission here. Every single person exists for a reason. We're either here to cause good or cause bad. But we're here for a reason.
And if you decide to jump, you'll never find what that reason is. You'll end it all before you could experience the best days of your life.
I light up a cigarette, pull it between my lips, drag a smoke and exhale it, watching the smoke disappear into the night. I know this is a bad habit. I know how unhealthy it is, I've read all about it, but it still doesn't stop me. I'll die anyway, so why not enjoy it while I can? Even though it's bad for me, I love doing it.
