Tyed

chapter forty six

"So what... what was that, at heart?"

Tyler doesn't know what the fuck he's saying. What he knows is that his heart is a fucking mess and why, in that moment, when he was meant to be focusing on the sex and the anger and the heat- in that moment he was still, however briefly, thinking about Colby, how he loved him and how he was fucked, instead of how he was being fucked more literally.

"What do you mean?" Colby asks, eyebrow raised. "It was fun, wasn't it? And I figured you out. What's the problem?"

In all honesty, Tyler doubts that Colby's figured out shit. "I don't know. I just- you don't really think I'm emotionless, do you?"

"Definitely not," Colby says, with an intake of breath beforehand that makes Tyler wonder how honest that statement is. It's not a lie, it's just that Colby isn't saying something. Most likely that he doesn't think that now. "People aren't really like that, anyway. I was concerned for you, but not anymore." That confirms Tyler's suspicions a little.

Tyler wonders if he should push on that and consciously chooses not to. "Alright. I guess I'm glad to hear that?"

Colby laughs, completely humourless. There's more going on there, as if Tyler didn't know. "I don't know, doll. Do you feel like there's something unsaid?"

I love you and also I'm certain whatever you think you've understood, you don't. "I mean, no. My point was that you were wrong and you seem to have understood that."

Colby's smile is wry, and despite Tyler's reservations his heart is light. "Sure. You know, I didn't really expect that to necessarily end the argument. Typically marriage counsellors and relationship experts don't recommend fucking when you're fighting."

Tyler laughs, because it is funny, but it's not just funny. For one, it was hot so Tyler doesn't even care, but for two, for some reason he's focussing way too hard on the fact that Colby casually threw out a mention of marriage. Of course it was just a misspoken reference to the fact that they were in a relationship and marriages are relationships or whatever, because again, they've been together like two weeks.

Tyler needs to shut his fucking mind up. It was kind of quiet when all it could focus on was Colby's dick and now he's mad that it has other things to think about. He'd like to shut it up.

"So where are we going?" Tyler asks, his heart flipping. He kind of wants to hide in his bed at home alone, but he doesn't necessarily want to say that.

"Where do you want to go?" Colby asks. "You could come over or you could go home. I don't mind. I'd always like you over, of course, but if you choose to go home it would give me a chance to get a bit of work done that I'm behind on. It's not super important, though."

Tyler lets out a breath. "I'll let you get to work, if only so I can see my roommates so they don't think I'm dead yet."

Colby laughs. Tyler wonders if he knows that Tyler's in turmoil. If that's why he gave him the out.

"Alright," Colby says so softly that Tyler's heart hurts. Fuck, fuck, fuck- "I'll take you home."

The drive is a nice talk, but Tyler keeps getting distracted by the beating of his heart, and everything sucks.

Love absolutely sucks. It hurts like shit. It's a constant aching mess, nausea and heart palpitations, the same symptoms as a caffeine overdose. It makes every touch electric and it makes it hard to breathe. It makes you crave the same pain it makes you feel and it's an obsessive thought that won't go away. It should really be considered a disease. A neurological, physical disease.

The worst curse of all is the pain that Tyler knows is going to come when he loses Colby. Colby dying is unlikely in the near future, but Tyler fucking it up is almost inevitable.