Tyed

chapter ten

"Excuse me," Tyler says, forcing a smile at James, Ash and Kuro. The smile falters a little when he looks at Colby. Was he only invited here because Colby found out about his past, and he wanted to look good? Is that what it was? "I'm just going to go find the... restroom."

A brief expression passes Colby's face, and it's clear he knows something is up. Tyler breaks from the group, and he sees James do the same, heading up towards the stage. He focusses on finding any sort of sign indicating where the toilets are, but he can still hear a woman's voice welcoming everyone, and it's so distracting: any moment now, it feels like she's going to call him out by name. Tyler knows he's being ridiculous, that he'd know if he was somehow involved with this, but there's a kind of carnal fear associated with his secrets being discovered, and he has to run from it.

Besides, if it were really so ridiculous, why would James and Ash have recognised his name? Why would Colby have brought him here, of all places?

Tyler doesn't realise how much he's rushing until he crashes into someone, and the sensation of cold all down his torso only magnifies his fear. When he looks, he sees an apologetic waiter stumbling over his words, asking if he's okay, but he's not sure that's real. He thinks he mutters something that might be a reassurance that it's fine, or might be complete nonsense, he's not sure. His eyes glaze over, and there might be people around him, or they might be trees. He could be nineteen or nine.

He's aware of what he's doing in one sense, but completely at the same time, it feels like he's doing something else; he knows he's walking as fast as one can acceptably walk towards the bathroom, but it mirrors memories stronger than reality wherein Tyler's shivering from the same cold, wandering through the forest alone. He was always searching for warmth, searching for somewhere where he'd be safe. Eventually, he started creating the fire he so longed for.

There's no fire here, though. Only a stall in a room where Tyler can hide for as long as it takes him to calm down.

He leans against the door of the stall, breathing heavily. He closes his eyes, and all he can see is the forest. Being shoved out onto the porch into the frosty air whenever he upset him, and even though he hated what happened in there, he hated being out in the cold even more. 

He went to therapy for years and in all that time he learned how to breathe. He focusses on his lungs, in and out, focusses on what he can see and hear and touch and realises it's tile and not bark. After he feels like there's oxygen in his lungs again, he takes a moment to assess the damage. He's got wine on his shirt, but luckily, it was white wine, so the stain it leaves won't be extremely bright and visible, although he'll smell like wine for the rest of the night. If he buttons his blazer, it hides it almost entirely. That damage is minimal.

However, he's just run out at a crucial moment, and his escape seems pretty suspicious, at least if anyone was paying attention. He's sure Colby was, but then again, he's sure Colby knows.

He closes his eyes. He has a few options, and they all suck. He could go out there, pretend everything is fine, and if anyone mentions anything, pretend he knew. He could go out there and outright demand to know what the fuck Colby thinks he's pulling. That has the benefit of being the one thing that Tyler thinks will soothe his anger, and the extreme drawback of making a scene with the man who- Tyler can't forget- has just paid his rent for the year. He could stay here until further notice, and maybe at some point soon he'll have figured out what the fuck he's supposed to do to get out of this situation with any kind of favourable outcome. Hiding here for the rest of the night is an option, as is pretending to be sick and needing to go home. Either way, he's going to have to answer to Colby at a later date; perhaps then is the right time to ask him what the fuck he's pulling.