Tyed

chapter nineteen

Tyler spends some amount of time lying on Colby's stomach after that, drawing circles on the skin of his stomach. He doesn't have a lot going on in his brain right now, and it takes some time before mental processes start ticking again. Images of fire in a forest are in his mind, but he couldn't really say why. He was just enjoying being brainless for a while, focusing on sucking dick and literally nothing else. He can sense that Colby probably wants to move, but he's tolerating Tyler's silent relaxation for now. When that processes properly, Tyler sits up, looking into Colby's yellow eyes and being unable to read a damn thing.

"Sorry," Tyler says softly, and that's when Colby smiles, leaning to kiss Tyler gently. Tyler melts into the kiss and almost loses his brain in it again.

"Don't be sorry at all," Colby says quietly. "How do you feel?"

"Fine. Good. My brain's not doing it right now but I'm emotionally okay." Tyler looks down, unable to meet Colby's eyes properly all of a sudden. "I'm sorry I'm a mess."

"Don't get into that again. You've got nothing to be sorry for." Are they cuddling? Tyler doesn't know. He sits up, wondering where the hell he's supposed to go from here. "What do you feel up to doing?"

"You wanted to go out for dinner, right? I think I can do that. Just don't make me talk to anyone or whatever, I think." Tyler rises to his feet, surprised by how clear he's talking. "I mean, if you want, but-"

"I wasn't going to." Colby sits up too on the other side of the bed. He comes around to Tyler's side and gently takes Tyler's face in his hands, and Tyler's about to lose himself again. "You're a little too worried, doll."

And Tyler does lose himself just a little bit, melting into Colby's touch. But not too much. He can't lose himself too much.

This whole relationship is so weird, Tyler thinks. He's been in love before, or so he'd say at least- it's difficult for him to know what love is- and he's not sure that he's necessarily falling in love, not this fast. But he has a need for Colby that he can't express and can't explain, a need dug deep into him that's so strange to see and yet so easy to follow.

How simple it is, to be deceived without knowing it. Tyler didn't think about it much, but if you asked him where he wanted to be he never would've said here, sitting up at staring into the eyes of a man he had been calling Master, who was his mother's age, who'd changed his life in a matter of days. A week ago Tyler had no idea who he was, and that's scary to think.

They get dressed again and this time, when they're on their way to the restaurant Tyler's feeling more than a bit better. "Thank you," he says, somewhat still in the mindset of submissive; it's much more comfortable being here, although it's almost like a drug and he wouldn't want to be here all the time. "Thank you for being considerate of me."

"Of course, doll." Every time he says that, though, it reinforces Tyler's feelings. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Dunno. People are shitty. I mean usually I don't even tell people when I feel like that," so Colby is special and Tyler still low-key hates how vulnerable that makes him, "and sometimes they don't get it or its at least annoying them and I just, I don't know."

"I mean, of course I don't get it. It's never happened to me. But I care about you, so..."

It's weird. Tyler's not sure how many people who've said those words to him were lying, and at least half of them were; but he feels those words differently, and he's not sure if it's because he desperately wants to believe Colby means them or because of something else. He doesn't think about it too much.

"I don't know. To be honest, I..." Tyler doesn't want to finish that sentence. As soon as he starts it it's a bad idea, and he goes to cut it short but it's too late.