Tyed

chapter sixty three

Trey sits on the grass in their parent's meagre backyard, slightly rocking back and forth. It's a well-known signal to Tyler; that Trey is trying very hard not to show emotion he's not "allowed" to show. Usually sadness, anger, pain.

"What's up, dude?" Tyler says, slightly quieter than his normal voice. He wouldn't say Trey jumps, so much as freezes for a split second and then begins to rock again. Ever so slightly, almost unnoticeably. Trying to hide that he's trying to hide things. Like he's meant to be emotionless and must maintain that image. Tyler knows the feeling; but in his teenage years he managed to turn it all into fuel for rage. He's not sure if that's actually better.

Trey shrugs.

Tyler sits down beside him. "I'm sorry."

Trey just shakes his head, not quite up for words as of yet, it seems.

"I didn't realise you were going to be here," Tyler says instead of trying to figure out what Trey meant. "I wish everyone wasn't angry."

"A-" Trey bites his lip around the word, restarts, tries again. "A-are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Angry."

Tyler closes his eyes and tries to think about it. Yeah, there's restlessness in his chest. And a lot of it's anger, he thinks; anger at his mother for lying, Scarlett for not just leaving them alone, even Colby for being angry. There's also the anger that's always there, the injustice that he couldn't have been born somewhere calm and easy to parents who had the time and heart to love him completely. Life isn't fair, no, that Tyler knows better than anything; but that doesn't stop him from being angry.

But he's not just angry. He's afraid, because right now he's falling. He's risking losing the only thing that's made him feel anything more than mild appreciation since Kevin hung himself and he's just walking away instead of trying to save it. Is he even capable? Does he have the ability to fight for what he wants, fight for what he loves?

He didn't fight for Kevin. Or did he? Does it matter? Would Kevin have been saved if Tyler tried harder?

Follow up question: can Colby still have a chance to love him by the end of the day, or is there not a single thing Tyler can do by this point to save this one good thing?

"Tyler?"

Tyler opens his eyes. "A little bit," he says. He's never ever had a reason to lie to Trey; hide things, maybe, to save Trey from trouble, but the thing about Trey that's so great is Tyler doesn't have to censor himself. And that's why he adds, "but I'm also afraid."

"Why?"

Tyler swallows. "Do you know who Scarlett is?"

Trey shakes his head.

"She used to be married to Colby. I really like Colby, and I don't want him to leave me. But Scarlett might want him to. There's other reasons he could leave me, too."

Trey takes a moment before saying, "she- he, Colby, he- he seems like, like he likes you. Why- why would Scarlett, why would- isn't she- Mum?"

Okay, so he knows some stuff. Trey's words are usually there, but when the ideas get complicated he mixes up the order a bit, skips a few- Tyler can barely keep it in his head and he's never gotten brain damage from congenital issues and being beaten within an inch of his life. So Trey's excused.

"It's confusing," Tyler says, and Trey nods with a little smile. "Scarlett and Mum might like each other. I think they do. And that's why it's so confusing. Even if Scarlett likes Mum and not Colby, I'm still worried he won't like me, you know? I've been kind of mean to him, and..." how does he put it into words? Should he? "...I'm worried he won't like me because of..."