Tyed

chapter fifty six

It's not like all the nervousness fades away. It never works like that. It's that Tyler can ignore his fears a little better than most people. He can take a deep breath and express confidence he doesn't feel, and he can say, "hey, Kali."

He's a little surprised when she hugs him. It's a slow, timid hug, much like the rare hugs she gave when they were younger; like someone who didn't want to be touched, but wanted to feel at the same time. Like she is.

Her words are whispered, so quiet against his shirt. "I missed you."

He gently, cautiously, reaches up a hand to pat her hair; she flinches at first touch, and he immediately moves his hand away. "I missed you too."

She takes a step back, bouncing on the balls of her feet a little, and smiles at Nancy, still wobbly. "Hi, Nancy."

Nancy grins, and goes to offer a hug, but turns it into a wave. "Hi, Kali. You doing okay?"

She nods lightly. "You, uh- you sent that picture," she says, quieter than Tyler remembers her, although perhaps it's due to the fact that this lobby is busy and people move loudly and the only things that moved quick and loud in Darkfilly Copse were the wind in the trees and fists. "And I thought it was, uh, thought it was you." She turns towards Tyler then, a twinkle in her eyes, just a bit.

She's got the boring black pants of someone who's got to work in an office, looking too big on her; a white button shirt with the same look, and black flats. She doesn't look comfortable at all. She barely looks like she went through puberty, for her tiny size and slim frame; has she even been eating? Tyler needs to make sure she has been. He needs to make sure she's okay.

"I couldn't believe it," Tyler admits. "We looked for you. Searched for you everywhere. But we had no way of finding you, and with social media and everything- it never occurred to me that you'd spell your name differently. If it had, maybe we'd have found you sooner."

Kali shakes her head. "I did think for a few years that I just didn't know how to spell it before. And I got used to how it's spelled now. I know my name technically isn't, like, Carly, but... I'm used to it, I guess. And it kinda hides who I am." She shrugs. "I'm sorry, if I knew you were still looking for me..."

Tyler's heart hurts. "You weren't looking for me?"

Kali looks down at the floor. "I did. I was. I- I did find you."

Tyler holds his ground even though the ground feels like it's turning underneath him. "Why didn't you say anything?" He can't temper his reaction. "Why didn't you reach out? I missed you so much."

And he's not sure when she started crying, but immediately he feels awful because he knows he caused it. "I'm sorry," she whispers, "but I- I thought- I thought you had found me and didn't care. I thought- it was so easy to find you, that I thought it was the same, and I thought- I thought-"

"That it would just be too hard," Tyler finishes for her, "and that I wouldn't want to talk to you."

Kali nods.

Tyler sighs. "I get it. Can you believe I worried the same thing, from the moment Nancy mentioned your name until literally now? I promise, Kali, I wanted to find you. To make sure you were okay. I just- I just couldn't."

"I'm so sorry," she repeats, her voice shaking, "I'm so sorry. I thought- it sounds stupid now, it's stupid, I know. But I thought you could find me, and you- you seemed so happy. And I wasn't. I'd just make you sad."