"How are you feeling, sweetheart?"
I was standing in front of the mirror, staring at my eye that was swollen shut. It was so bad that I could barely see out of the other one either. I had no depth perception and the vision I did have was still blurry. It felt like there was a jackhammer pulsing in my temple as the numbness was slowly being replaced with agonizing pain.
I wanted to collapse to the floor and scream. The bathroom counter was the only reason I was still standing. If it wasn't there, I would be on the floor in a ball laying in my own vomit.
I leaned into the mirror as much as I could manage and ran my fingers over my face. I didn't even recognize my own reflection. My jaw felt like it was shattered and my neck burned from the inside out. There was a dark black bruise on the left side just underneath my cheek, which drew the attention away from the deep purple finger marks around my neck.
Nate had gotten in a few solid blows to my face before I passed out. If Keith hadn't decided to come ask him about missing equipment at the exact moment he did, I would have been a Jane Doe laying cold in a motel bed waiting to be discovered. Nate would have probably just told the guys I ran away with someone or that I went back home. I'm sure he could have found a way to convince them to leave me behind.
I wished for a redo of last night, one where Keith had decided his question wasn't important and he could wait until the morning. Even if he just waited a few more seconds, I could have been good and gone. Instead, Keith had to play the hero and save me. He thought he was doing me a favor but he unknowingly had put me right back in harm's way in the arms of my tormentor.
They were the same frightening tattooed arms that were slinking around my waist right now.
Nathan stepped in close behind me and gently brushed my hair to one side so he could see the bruises better. He began kissing my shoulder tenderly like he actually gave a fuck about me. He pressed into me from behind and moved against me as I struggled to stand. He moaned as he began to harden against me. He had been finding excuses to touch me since I came back into consciousness a few hours ago.
His thick fingers traced over the bruises on my neck. He was taking the time to admire his work. I sucked in a sharp breath when he lined his fingers up over the marks and pressed in a little like he was reliving the moment in his head.
"It hurts, doesn't it." He smirked and lowered his hand to grab my breast.
"Really bad." I tried to force the words out. My throat was aching even just from breathing. It was raw and scratchy. I could barely speak above a whisper.
"Are you sorry?" Nathan looked at me in the mirror.
"Yes." I mouthed silently back to him
He brought his hands to my hair and I flinched, which drew another slightly amused expression on his face.
"Good, I forgive you. Don't disrespect me again, Jess."
Nathan grabbed my hand in his and pulled me back away from the mirror.
We were getting ready to leave the motel. With all the money gone, we couldn't afford to stay here another night. Nate had called the owner of the next venue and asked him if we could park the bus there for the evening. The owner agreed reluctantly after a little bit of persuasion.
Nate handed me the bags to carry to the bus as we headed outside. He broke away from me to go turn our key in to the front desk. I headed straight to the bus like he instructed me before we left the room. He told me to take the bags to the back and stay there until he was finished. He didn't want anyone to see me and start asking questions about what happened. I didn't really blame him; I didn't want anyone to ask me questions or look at me either.
I stood staring at the side of the bus and took a deep breath in. I wasn't ready to feel enclosed again. It was really ironic that I had spent my whole life thinking that this was what I needed to make me feel free. As it turned out, I had never felt more trapped.
"Hey, Jess." Keith called, jogging up behind me.
He grabbed the bags out of my hand and opened the door to help me in. I stepped up on the bus and heard the maniacal laughter of the boys as they were roasting one another at the table.
I pulled my hair over my face trying to hide it as I walked past them. Josh reached out his hand to pull me to his lap without looking in my direction. When I resisted and didn't fall on him willingly, he turned his head to me. His eyes widened in surprise as he stared at my face.
"What happened?" Josh was up on his feet, pulling my hair back to get a better look. I looked at the table and the rest of the band was looking at me just the same way.
"She's fine. Drop it." Keith said behind me and started trying to shuffle me to the room in the back. Keith was a good minion; he knew when to fall in line.
"Like hell she is." Elliot said, getting to his feet.
"It's not a big deal." I tried to put on a fake smile to the side of my face I could still move.
"Jessa, tell us what happened." Josh said, leaning into me.
"Jessa, get in the back now." Nate's voice boomed from the front of the bus.
I broke away and scurried to the back. Nathan followed closely behind me. He looked furiously at me before he shut the sliding curtained door.
Within seconds, the guys were at each other's throats. Josh and Nate were screaming at each other as I sat down on the bed and pulled my knees into my chest; I was paralyzed with fear. I didn't want to listen to what could happen, but I had no other choice. Nathan had always been a fighter; Josh had no idea who he was going up against. The only person I had ever seen take him down was Cam, but he had police training to help him get the upper hand. Josh didn't have that.
There was a loud crash followed by another. They were going to tear this place apart. I knew this fight wasn't just over my face when I heard Josh screaming about the money Nathan owed them. This was built up anger, the kind of steam that simmered just under the pot lid until someone lifted it to stir it. I was that person. I had let the steam out.
This was my fault.
A few minutes later, Nate stormed into the back room out of breath. He stood over me, puffed up. The testosterone was seeping out of his skin. His eyes were wild as he stared down at me. Clearly, Nate was victorious and he had come back to claim his prize.
He was pushing me down and pulling my pants off my hips before I even had a chance to react to him. He pulled his pants down and climbed on top of me. I felt the sting when he roughly pushed inside of me. He bit my shoulder and growled as he slammed into me. He flipped us both over and pulled me to a seated position on top of him. He grabbed my hips to hold me still to bury himself inside of me further.
I didn't even care what he did to me anymore. I was numb.
He finished quicker than usual due to the adrenaline coursing through his veins and then collapsed back down to the bed as he pulled me with him. He leaned up on his elbow and whispered in my ear.
"Do you know what I just remembered?" He smiled.
"No." I said lifelessly.
"You have a big day coming up."
He was talking about my 21st birthday in two days. I used to countdown the days until I was finally able to have all the adult freedoms without sneaking around. Now I wished that I could give all those days back and just be a kid again.
"I've been planning a surprise for you." Nate smiled as he continued to run his hands over my body.
"What is it?" I asked in a dull tone feigning actual interest so I wouldn't upset him again.
"Jess, it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you." He smiled and kissed the bruised side of my face. It stung when he dragged his lips over it and pressed down as hard as he could.
"Ouch." I pulled my hand up to my face. Tears stung the edges of my eyes.
"Quit being a baby." He rolled his eyes at me and pulled my hands away to go back in for more.
YOU ARE READING
Breaking Down
Fiksi UmumBook One of the Breaking Jessa Series: Jessa Miller is beautiful chaos. Diagnosed as Bipolar, she is always one step from burning everything to the ground. Her lows are low, but her highs are sprinkled with magical pixie dust where everything is...