Breaking Down

Chapter 44:

"Hello? Who is this?" The sleepy voice called again when I didn't say anything.

I paused, breathing heavily into the phone. I couldn't believe I was actually doing this. There was a long drawn out silence where neither of us said anything. I was about to hang the phone up when his voice came through the line again.

"Look here, if you're just going to sit there and breathe into the phone like a pervert, I should warn you I am a cop and can have this phone call traced." He said with an annoyed tone. He was puffing up, using his 'man' voice. It was unbelievably adorable.

"Hey, Cami." I smiled, wanting to laugh at him. I closed my eyes, trying to remember what his face looked like. I wished I still had my phone with the picture of us so I could see him one more time. Maybe if I had it still, I wouldn't feel so alone tonight.

"Jessa, is that really you?" He sounded confused.

"It's me." I said as I wound my finger in the coiled cord.

"Where are you?" He asked, suddenly wide awake.

"I'm not sure." I admitted.

"How do you not know where you are at?"

"Nate doesn't let anyone tell me where we are." I was ashamed of how pathetic that just sounded.

"Can you tell me what is around you? What color are the signs? Give me something, please." Cam was out of breath.

"I can't. I'm sorry, Cami." I said, biting my lip. Even if I did know something, he would just come try to find me. I wasn't going to go back no matter how terrible life on the road with Nate was. I knew what would happen if I did; my parents would try to lock me up again; everyone would be trying to force medications down my throat to make me a zombie. I didn't want to live like that again. Even though where I was wasn't any better, the idea of locking bad Jessa away terrified me. She was the only reason I was still alive.

"It's ok. I'm just really glad you called me. I really miss you." He said, sighing.

"I miss you too." I sniffled and wiped a rogue tear away.

"Come home to me then." Cam pleaded with me.

"Everyone hates me. I'm a terrible person who has done really bad things. You are all better off without me. I can't be there and be who I want to be. It will never work for me. I can't come back to Ohio."

"You're wrong. Everyone misses you like crazy. We are all worried about you. Your family is a mess. They are hurting. Your Mom cries all the time and your Dad, well, he just kind of sits there quietly. Your Dad is never quiet. He hasn't even threatened me in weeks." His voice rose.

I stifled a laugh through my tears. My Dad had always tried to intimidate Cam in one way or another. He just always wanted to remind him that he was never going to give up his throne as the number one male in my life.

"I can't go back home and face you after what I've done."

"None of that matters, Jessa. I don't care about any of that. We can work through this together. I want you here with me." His soothing voice was breaking me down bit by bit.

"I can't. He's not going to let me leave. I don't have any money or a phone either. I don't know what to do." I whimpered to him.

"Shh, don't cry. I know you're scared, darling. I can hear it in your voice. You need to get away from him. I need you to do whatever it takes to figure out where you are and get me the information. I will find a way to get you home." His calming voice warmed me in ways I haven't felt in a long time. He made everything sound so easy.

"Cam, I..."

The motel door swung wide open as a very inebriated Nate stumbled in. His bloodshot eyes went straight to me with the receiver pressed against my ear. My mouth was hanging open in shock.

"Jess, Jessa? Are you still there? Say something, please. He's there, isn't he? Get out of there, run as fast as you can. Scream if you have to." Cam started panicking over the phone.

I was caught red-handed.

"Who the fuck are you talking to?" Nathan ran towards me as I slammed the receiver down quickly. He picked up the phone and pressed it to his ear. He must have gotten a dial tone because he ripped the phone out of the wall and began bashing it against the nightstand. He threw the broken pieces towards me and I ducked just in time before they hit me in the face.

"Calm down, Nate. It was no one, just the front desk. They had the wrong room number." I came up with a lie as quickly as I could. His face grew darker; he wasn't buying it.

"You self-centered, two-faced lying bitch!" Nathan howled as he lunged for me.

I dodged his initial attempt to grab me and rolled over on the bed, tangling myself in the sheets in the process. I tried my best to rip them away from my body but ended up catching my feet in them instead and almost fell to the ground. I broke free and was up, running towards the door. I still wasn't quick enough to get away from him. Nate caught me by my hair and threw me back down on the bed.

"Ouch.  Please Nate, let go." I screamed when he climbed on top of me. I swung my arms out, trying to fight against him.

I tried to sit up again, but he pushed me back down. He grabbed my wrists as I struggled against him to break free. He pinned them above my head and held my legs down with his knees. I was trapped underneath him, unable to break free.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I cried as he squeezed harder around my wrists. "I promise I won't ever do it again."

"It's too late for sorry. You fucked up." Nathan spat at me.

He let go of my hand and pulled his clenched fist back. I didn't even have a chance to block him. My vision went blurry as a stabbing pain spread across my face. I cried out from the first blow just as he made contact with me again. I was screaming as my head began throbbing.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" He screamed in my face and pulled my hair as I cried out from the pain.

He grabbed me by the neck and began squeezing. His bloodshot eyes were blazing as he stared down at me. He squeezed tighter as the corner of his mouth pulled up into a malicious smile. He was enjoying my pain.

I couldn't breathe; he was squeezing too tight. I tried to reach my hands up to his and pull them away from my neck.  It was no use. He was just too strong to fight against. My vision began to grow dark and my body began to go limp. I had lost control of my limbs and they fell back down to the bed.

My head started hurting less and less as all the oxygen was leaving my body.  I couldn't feel anything.

Nathan was going to kill me and I just laid there letting him do it.