Breaking Down

Chapter 14:

"What the hell was that?"  Cameron snatched my phone out of my hand. I forgot he was even in the room.

"Nothing."  I said, trying to steal it back from him.  He held his long arm away just out of my reach.

He turned the screen towards him when I gave up fighting him over it. His eyes widened in disgust when he saw what was playing.

"First of all, that is revolting.  Second of all, I hope he checked her ID before sending this video.  Third..."

"He's going to give her my contract."  I whispered, watching the video over Cam's shoulder.

"She is so much better at this than you."  Nate ridiculed me from the video.  Nate reached down his hand and performed his signature 'I'm a badass, so I get to choke you' move.  He was about to finish in her mouth. 

"He is such a pig." Cam said turning the video off so I didn't have to watch the climactic ending.

"Cam, do you think he will give her my spot on his label?" I asked.  I could feel the worry lines creasing my face. My whole life, I had doubted my abilities as a musician.  I was a perfectionist when it came to my craft and I always found myself falling short.  Nathan offering to give some random girl off the street my contract shook what little confidence I had left right now. 

"Let her have it. He's always needed you more than you ever needed him.  You're too good for him. He doesn't even deserve to lick the dog crap off your boots." Cameron growled back.

"I have to go." I said, plucking the phone back out of his hand.  I was shaking as I thought about everything I was about to lose.  I had worked so hard to get to this point in my music career. I had done everything I was supposed to do.  I couldn't lose it all now.

"Why would you even bother with him again? He left you passed out outside an emergency room in 30-degree weather in your underwear. You were hypothermic by the time a nurse found you.  You could have died!"  Cameron's face was laced with anger. 

"Don't be dramatic.  It was my fault for taking too many pills. He had nothing to do with that. It was nice of him to get me to the hospital."  I rolled my eyes at my best friend, who was now pacing around the room.

"Do you even listen to the words that come out of your mouth? Are you really that delusional? Jess, you know how bad of an idea going to him is.  After all the things he has done to you, why do you keep going back?" Cameron's hands were swinging in the air with his agitation. If he moved them any faster, he would take off in flight.

"Nate...he...I..."  I was lost for words. Most of what Cam said wasn't wrong. I had no argument to defend myself. 

I climbed out of bed and started to grab some things to pack my bag.  I had to go to the studio so I could keep my contract.  Nathan had promised me he would get me touring as soon as we finished our demos. I wanted this. Nathan was my ticket out of Ohio. He was going to be my salvation and I was supposed to be his star.

"Jess, you can't seriously be falling for this? He's manipulating you!"  Cam was breathing down my neck, following right behind me as I scrambled around the room gathering my things.

"I need that contract, Cam." I stopped suddenly.  He bumped into me and then decided to spin me around to face him.  I was clutching my bag to my chest as my defense mechanism.  I was acting like squeezing the bag tightly to my body was going to keep the blackness from impaling me. 

"No, you don't." He said sweetly as he ran his large hands over the tops of my arms. 

"Yes, I do.  I need out. No one wants me here anymore. I don't even want me here." 

"You have never been more wrong in your life, Jess." He said, pulling me into a hug. He pressed my head against his hard chest. I dropped the bag from in between us and he pinned my arms at my sides so I couldn't push him away.

"Who then? Tell me who wants me to stay." I was trembling against him.  I wanted to crawl into a hole and wither away.  

"Me, Jess. I want you." He looked down at me and his cheeks turned a dark shade of pink. 

I stopped breathing; I literally just fucking stopped.  What did that mean?

"Um... I want you now...That's not what I meant... shit...I mean, I want you to stay. Stay with me. I should just stop talking now." His cheeks flushed to a deep crimson by the time he decided to close his mouth.

I didn't want him to stop saying those things to me.  Everything he just said made me want to hold onto him more.  He was literally the only person who could affect me this way.  It's like our friendship was limitless. We were bound together in this horrible place.

Cam brushed his fingertips lightly against my cheek. He slid them softly against my skin until his hand was underneath my chin.  He tilted my head up closer to his hesitantly.  He ran his tongue over his lips while staring down at my mouth. It was like some magnetic force kept pulling us closer. I closed my eyes as I felt the traces of his warm breath on my lips.

My phone buzzed again.  I snapped out of whatever the hell that was and pushed Cam back gently.  He shook his head and blinked rapidly like he was trying to wake himself back up. 

I walked over to grab the phone and saw Nathan's name flash across the screen again. When I looked up, Cam had a furious look plastered on his face. 

Nathan: You have ten minutes to get here.

"I've got to go."  I frowned, looking down at the screen.

I sent him a quick reply back.

Me: On my way.

I finished running around my room, grabbing the rest of my things. When I glanced back at Cam, he was biting his tongue.  I had known him long enough to know he was holding his temper back. He began to open his mouth and I shook my head at him.  I didn't have time for a Cameron 'good versus evil' lecture. He threw up his hands and walked out without even saying goodbye. 

I heard his heavy steps on the stairs and felt the house rattle when he slammed the front door shut. 

I pressed the video again and replayed it. I should have been upset watching the little act on the screen. I probably should have been a little bit jealous that he was with someone else.  I wasn't. It wasn't what he was doing with her that gutted me. It was the words he spoke.

"Get down here before I give her your contract."

He was going to give her the life he promised me.

I needed to go take it back.