The New Boy

Chapter seven: part two

I know I said it's been a month since I cut but it truthfully has. Like I said, I've been self harming for five or six years. It started off as very minor scratches that took a few days to heal. Now its to the point where I know I need stitches but I don't get them, I just take really good care of them to make sure they don't get infected, these take years to fade away.

My eye widen a little bit. My hands shake a bit at the picture and I feel like running out of class but I know I can't. I put my phone away. I put my elbows on the desk, letting my head rest in my hands. I try to ease my breaths but it seems impossible. I can see Jake looking at me in the corner of my eye.

"Are you okay?" he asks very quietly and I shake my head. I try to concentrate on my test but I can't. The fact that I didn't take my medicine today doesn't help at all.

Class ends about fifty minutes later and I only got about twenty of the problems done. I grab my things and quickly run out. I run to the bathroom and lean against the wall. I try to catch my breath and I can't. I shake a little and slide down the wall, covering my head. Tears slowly steam down my cheeks as I try to settle down.

"Jamie what's wrong?" I hear Gemma's soft voice getting closer to me. I don't look at her and I shake my head.

"It's fine," I say quietly and my voice cracks.

"Not it's not, I was dropping something off for my teacher down here and I stopped at the bathroom." she says and stands next to me. I guess it doesn't occur to her that I'm having a panic attack and I really need to calm down, not reminding myself about what happened. "Are you and Jake okay?" she and I nod. I attempt to stand up and my body still shakes a little.

"You should go back to class." I say and look at her. It's weird having someone years younger than me be like five inches taller than me.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asks and I nod. "Promise me." she says and I nod.

"I'm fine," I say and she waves at me, walking out. I sigh and lean on the sink. I look at myself and take a deep breath, knowing that we only have one period left. I wipe under my eyes and straighten myself out. I grab my stuff and walk to my next class. I take another deep breath and knock on the door. I know my body is still shaky and I have to keep my breathing in check. The teacher opens the door and looks at me.

"Late again?" she asks and I ignore her, walking to the back. Jake looks at me and I look back for a second then I look back down.

"It's not that bad," Jake says and keeps looking at me. I shake my head.

"Yes it is." I say back and my voice cracks still.

"Who cares what they think." he says and I feel my eyes burning with tears.

"I care. Jake you don't get it. I know everyone always says not to care about what other people think of you, but I care a lot and I don't know why." I say back and I feel tears roll down my face.

Jake doesn't get bullied like I do, because there isn't anything to bully him about. He's not short. He's not weak. He's not ugly. He's good at sports. There is nothing to mess with him about except personal things that no one knows. The only thing he does get picked on for though, is dating me.

I don't even realize how lost in my thoughts I am until the 11:45 dismissal bell rings. I stand up and put my stuff. I start to walk out. I walk past everyone and I hear the whispers next to me.

"Insane. Crazy. Freak." I hear and I bite my lip. I keep walking until I'm off the school property. Jake grabs my arm, pulling me back to him before I can get too far. I don't look up and him.

"I kind of just want to go back to my house alone, okay?" I ask quietly and he shakes his head.

"No, you're not going home alone upset." he says and holds my chin up so I look at him.

"I'm fine, I just want to be alone." I say and pull away from his grasp. I start to walk away and he walks next to me.

"You're not going home alone." he says and looks at me. I sigh and he hugs me. He lightly rubs my back and I feel my body trembling. "You're shaking," he says and slowly pulls away.

"I know," I say quietly and he starts to lead me to his house. He holds my hand and I don't really hold back.

We walk into his house and it's no surprise to see no one is home since they have school until 2:45. I sit on the couch and he walks to the refrigerator.

"Want one?" he asks, pulling a can of bud light out of it. I nod and he throws it to me. I surprisingly catch it. He grabs one for himself as he shuts it. He sits next to me and I lightly lean my head on him. He smiles and opens his, I do the same.

I hear the door open and I look at Brady who walks in. He looks at us like we are insane for a minute.

"You guys are drinking?" he asks quickly and I nod.

"Um, yes?" Jake says back.

"My mom told me to walk here, she said your dad would drop me off since my house is far away." Brady says slowly and I nod. It doesn't take long to tell that Brady keeps looking at my wrists, although they are covered up he knows what's under my sleeves.

Jake looks down at me, smiling back. Jake rests his arm around my shoulders. Brady continuously stares at my arm.

"Brady stop," I say and he quickly looks up at me like he's surprised I noticed him. I take a drink of the beer that's in my hand.

All of us sit in silence for a while. I finish it and slowly stand up, using his shoulder to help me up.

"Done?" I ask and he nods, handing the can to me. I walk over to the kitchen and throw it away. Brady isn't paying attention at all, he's too busy on his phone.

I sit back where I was and Jake puts his arm around my waist, pulling me toward him. I laugh a little and he smiles. I lightly hold his chin with my hand and kiss his lips. He smiles and he kisses back for a minute. I slowly pull away and so does he.

"Hey Jake," I say and he looks at me.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"I love you." I say and he smiles.