The New Boy

Chapter nineteen

(30 weeks ultrasound)

I wake up to Jake kissing my forehead.

"Hey," he says quietly. He's standing next to the bed in what I'm guessing is his work clothes. His work clothes are just dirt-stained jeans and a t-shirt.

"Hey," I say back and sit up a little more. He sits on the bed next to me and he smiles at me. I rub my eyes a little and look at him

"I'm about to leave," he says back and I nod.

"What time are you going to be home?" I asks and he shrugs.

Jake has pretty much moved in with me. Most of his stuff is here and he rarely ever stays in his house.

"I don't know, around nineish?" he says back and I nod again.

"Okay," I say back and he looks at my stomach then back at me.

"Ten more weeks," he says to me and I smile.

"I know," I say back and he lightly kisses my cheek.

"I'll see you when I get back, but I'm already a little late." he says, standing up.

"Bye baby," I say and he smiles at me.

"Bye," he says and lightly waves to me as he opens the door.

"I love you," I say before he shuts the door.

"I love you too," he says back and shuts the door. I lay back down and look at the empty space next to me. I close my eyes and rest my arm around my stomach.

I eventully fall asleep and I guess I sleep for the next four or five hours.

I wake up a little bit before one. I sigh and check my phone. That hateful messages have stopped, I haven't gotten one in a few weeks.

I stand up and walk to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. This is the first time I've looked at myself and not wanted to cry.

I lightly smile and think about the blades that I keep under the sink. I kneel down in front of the sink and open the door. I take the two small, shinny pieces of metal and mess with them in my fingers. It cuts the tip of my fingers a bit and I reliaze I miss the feeling of the blade againt my wrist.

I take a deep breath and roll up my sleeve, looking at my wrist that hasn't been touched in over five months.

I throw the blades into the toilet that's next to the sink and I sigh. I flush them and lean againt the wall. I roll my sleeve back down and rest my arm on my stomach.

I walk out and shut the door to the bathroom behind me as I do. I walk to kitchen and search for food even through we don't have much.

We have left over food from our one year dinner that was two days ago. I take it out and eat what's in it.

After a while, I end up on the couch watching movies from four-nine thirty. I wait for Jake to get home and countine to watch one of my all time favorite movies, 'We're the Millers,' I first watched it with Jake and I've probably watched it 1,000 times since. I feel Emily move around and I smile. I rest my arm on my stomach like I have been lately.

Jake opens the door and I look back at him. He smiles and pecks my lips as he walks by.

"How was work?" I ask and he sighs, sitting next to me.

"Hard, how was doing nothing all day?" Jake asks and smirks.

"Hard," I say back and he smiles.

"Good," he says back and rests his arm on the couch behind me.

"She moves a lot," I say back and he looks at my stomach.

"That's a good thing," Jake says back and I nod.

"I'm glad I met you Jake." I say back to him and he looks down at me.

"I know you are," he says and laughs.

"Dick," I say back and he places his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm kidding," he says and kisses my head. "I'm glad I met you too." he says back and rubs my shoulder a bit.

"I honestly don't think I would have made it." I say to him and he shakes his head.

"You would have." he says back and I look at him.

"Why?"

"Becasue you're strong as hell. You would have pushed through it." he says back and I smile.

"Thanks," I say back and kiss him. He kisses me back and slowly pulls away.

"Guess what?" he asks and I look at him.

"What?" I ask and he looks back at me.

"School starts next week, Wednesday," he says and I smile at him.

"Have fun," I say and he sarcastically laughs a little.

"I'll always have my phone on too, okay?" he asks and I nod.

"Okay," I say and he smiles.

"Look, I'm going to bed," he says and stands up. "Are you coming?" he asks and I think for a second.

"Yeah," I say and he holds out his hand so he can help me up. I take his hand and he pulls me up.

"You're heavier then you were before," he says and we start to walk back to the room.

"Because I'm carrying your child." I say and he laughs.

"Your child too," Jake says back and he takes off his shirt. I stay in the same sweatpants and t-shirt I've been in all day and I lay down.

"Oh yeah, I uh, did something else today," I say and he lays down next to me.

"What?" he asks and we face each other.

"I found my old blades today.." I say and he frowns a bit.

"You didn't-" he starts to talk but I cut him off.

"No, let me finish." I say and he nods.

"Okay, what?" he asks and I keep looking at him.

"I flushed them." I say and sigh a little. "They're gone," I say and he keep looking back.

"You said you did that a while ago," he says and I shake my head.

"Yeah, I kinda lied. But it's done now," I say back and he nods.

"Well that's still great." he says and I smile.

"I know," I say and I lay on him. He puts his arm around me.