The New Boy

Chapter ten

I wake up that night to the sound of my phone ringing. I sigh and roll over, checking the number. An unknown number. I answer it and look at my clock that reads 5: 37 am.

"Hello?" I ask tiredly and sit up a little.

"Jamie?" The voice asks. It sort of sounds familiar, but I can't quite place it. It's a girls voice definitely.

"Yeah?" I ask back and there is a pause followed by a long sigh.

"Do you know who this is?" she asks and I think for a minute. My mind and vision is a little foggy since I just woke up.

"I don't think so," I say back and I let a small yawn escape my mouth.

"You're Mom." she says quietly but just enough for me to hear. I freeze for a minute and I know I can't answer. "Jamie I want you to know that we love you." she says in the same quiet voice.

"Why-why did you leave?" I force the words out of my mouth. My mom never hit me. It was always my dad. The thing about my dad, the only time he was abusive was when he was drunk. He was very caring and loving when he was sober, but unfortunately that didn't happen much. He hit her too. I always kind of figured he made her leave with him.

"You're fathers clean now." she says back, almost ignoring the question.

"Are you guys coming back?" I ask and I am now fully awake now.

"No, we feel like... we have messed up." she says back and I can hear the muffled sound of a tv in the background.

"What?"

"As parents. I mean, you have so many problems that we can't help you with." she says back and I know she doesn't mean to make it sound bad but her words are like knives.

"You left because of my problems?" I ask and I feel the burning tears in the back of my eyes. I blink them away.

"It's not you. We couldn't, let's say handle it. We couldn't help." she says and I feel tears fall down my face.

"I'm really tired... and I'm sorry." I say back knowing that I can't hear anything else.

"You're fine Jamie. Good night, and I love you." she says back

"Night." I say and try to keep my voice strong, knowing that it's shaking a little. I hang up the phone and cover my mouth to muffle the cries. I start to shake and my breathing gets heavy.
This is your fault. They left because of you. You have too many problems. No one will stay, not even your parents. Jake will leave for the same reason.

My mind races and my heart beats fast. I knew this thought was coming. Cut. Worthless. You deserve this. I force myself to stand up and search for the pants I was wearing when I took Gemma's blades.

I find them and without thinking, I quickly slice the blade against my wrist. I steady stream of tears falling from my eyes. I drop the blade when my hand shakes too much to the point when I can't hold it anymore. The cries eventually turn into sobs.

After about fifteen minutes later I settle myself down a little, but I'm still shaking uncontrollably. I some how manage to make my way to the sink. I wash off my arm and see that there are cuts all over my left forearm, covering the back of my arm too. I sit back down in the corner of the bathroom. There is what seems like a pool of blood around me.

I hear someone knock on the front door then I hear it open. It startles me a bit and I quickly stand up.

"Jamie?" I hear Jakes voice. I look in the mirror and wipe my eyes. I roll my sleeve down and I know the bleeding hasn't stopped but I don't want him knowing. I walk out of the bathroom and shut the door. I walk into the hallway and he looks at me. As he approaches me his face changes. He hugs me and then pulls away.
"Are you crying?" he asks and I shake my head.

"I'm not going to school today." I say back and I look down a little. I put my arms behind my back and he holds my chin up so I look at him.

"What's wrong?" he asks and I shake my head.

"Nothing.. I'm just sick," I say, lying. Jake narrows his eyes at me and I gently bite the inside of my cheek.

"Do you want my to stay with you?" he asks.

"No," I answer quickly and he sighs a little.

"I know something's wrong Jamie. Can you just tell me?" he asks and I shake my head.

"Nothing's wrong." I say and he keeps looking at me.

"Let me see your arm then." he says and I look at him, I can almost feel my heart beat in my throat.

"No." I say firmly back and he tries to grab my arm but I quickly pull away.
"You're going to be late to school." I say and he sighs again.

"Jamie you're not pushing me away." he says back and I don't say anything. He lightly puts his hands on my shoulders and I look at him. "I love you, you know that right?" he asks and I nod, still looking at him.

"I love you too." I say back and he looks back at me. He lightly kisses my lips and I don't know, I'm just not in the mood right now.

I feel the sleeve of my shirt getting soaked with blood. I start to get a little light headed.

"I'll drop by after school." he says and I nod. He hugs me again and I hug him back. He slowly pulls away and walks out.

I let out a sigh of relief and walk back to the bathroom, taking off my shirt. I throw it away and put on a clean short sleeve shirt. I sniff a little and wash my arm off. I wrap it up with white wrap. I put on a jacket over that and get a few wet rags and try to wipe up the floor.

Every once in a while tears still fall down my face but not at bad. I get up as much as I can, which is most of it put not all of it.

After about an hour of laying in bed doing nothing but thinking, I realize that I really wished Jake stayed.

During the day, I forced my self to take a shower and changed into shorts and a sweatshirt. I take the rubbing alcohol and a few cotton balls. I lean against the wall and roll up my sleeve. I put some alcohol on the cotton ball and lightly press it against my wrist. I gasp in pain and rub it on my arm. I let out a small yelp and squint my eyes.

I drop the cotton ball once I finish spreading it across my arm. I take the wrap and wrap it up again. The bleeding still hasn't stopped. I roll down my sleeve and try to ignore the fact that I can barley stand. The blood loss is making it really hard to do anything.

I make my way to the couch where I lay down, facing the back of the couch. I close my eyes and struggle to sleep. I had a hard time sleeping last night without Jake being there.