Presque Vu [Phenomena Series #3]

Chapter 08

Chapter 08:

"Okay ka lang?" natatawang tanong ni Twila sa akin pagkagaling ko sa CR.

What a fucking question.

"You're testing me," I said as I sat beside her. "You're underestimating me, didn't you?" I asked.

Umiling siya. "Nope," the movie continued to play but it's almost done. "I trust you that you'll hold yourself."

I smirked before I held her hand, intertwining our fingers. I kissed her temple before making her head lean on my shoulder. "I may be a fuck boy once but I won't do that if you don't want to. I respect you and your decisions, so you don't have to worry."

She nodded, chuckling. "You're proving yourself too much. Malapit ko nang isipin na hindi kita deserved."

Napalingon ako nang dahil sa sinabi niyang 'yon. Kung may isang tao man na dapat magtanong kung deserve namin ang isa't-isa, ako dapat 'yon. She's just too good for me; pakiramdam ko, sobra-sobra na siya para sa akin.

"Damn, I don't even know what I did for you to say that. Is it rare now to find guys that respect you, that you're thinking about that?" I asked.

She sighed. "I don't want to open this thing up but one of the reasons why Vance and I broke up was... he's always right in everything. He wanted to have sex but I don't want yet, then he'll angry for that. Sa huli, wala na akong nagawa kung hindi hayaan siya sa gusto niyang gawin sa akin."

Inialis niya ang pagkakapatong ng ulo niya sa balikat ko. Kitang-kita pa rin ang lungkot sa kan'ya matapos niyang sabihin 'yon, pero hindi pa rin siya tumitingin sa akin.

"Hindi naman ako nanghinayang na ibinigay ko sa kan'ya 'yon. It's just that... 'yon yata 'yung dahilan bakit naubos ako. Alam ko namang mahal niya ako at hindi sex ang habol niya sa akin, o ang virginity ko. It's just that... for three years, he has his needs daw, he said. For three years, hindi ko kaagad naibigay. Noong ibinigay ko naman, it was only few times that we did that but I think I lose the interest with our relationship."

Napalunok ako. Bigla akong natakot na... kung sakali mang gawin namin ni Twila 'yon, paano kung 'yon ang maging mitsa ng pagkasira ng relasiyon naming dalawa? I will never want that to happen. I'd rather use my hands for my own satisfaction than to fucking lose her.

She looked at me. "You see, I am not as pure as you think. I've already done things you've done too, Aldrin. Do you still like me the same way?"

I sighed. "Why did you ask that? You know how my past life was, before I met you. I was the worst version of me but even after knowing that, you still let me court you, kiss you, and you still end up liking me. Now, why did you think that this affection I have for you will be lessen just because of that?"

Her eyes watered, making my lips part. She looked down and started crying.

"I..." she sobbed. "I'm just scared."

I heaved a sigh before holding her chin, making our eyes meet. "What are you scared about?"

"Nasasanay na ako sa presensiya mo; sa lahat ng ginagawa mo para sa akin. Paano kung bigla kang mawala? This is why I told you everything tonight. Kung mawawala ka, better leave earlier than to prolong this relationship filled with secrets."

Napalunok ako nang marinig ko ang basag niyang boses dahil sa pag-iyak. I couldn't even look too long at her eyes—hindi ko maipaliwanag kung ano 'tong nararamdaman ko, pero parang tinutusok 'yung puso ko. The word is on the tip of my tongue and I can't seem to remember it.