For Better or For Worse (Loki x Reader)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Well. This chapter did not go the course I thought it was going to take. Just a fair warning, it's gets a little...well, I don't want to spoil it for you. Enjoy.

I was startled awake when there was a gasp from beside me. My eyes blinked open wearily, and I looked over to find that Loki was sitting straight up in bed. Even in the minimal light, I could see his body shaking. His hands were latched onto the comforter with enough strength to rip it if he wanted to. After a moment, he pulled his knees to his chest and his face in his knees, his breathing still heavy and his back spasming in time with his labored breathing. It was clear he had a pretty bad nightmare. He had a few here and there but never to this level, never one that had him waking up in tears.

"Loki?" I asked as I sat up. I placed a hand on his back but removed it quickly when he flinched harshly. I took a deep breath, knowing this wasn't going to be easy. Thinking that he was just surprised by my touch, I tried again, placing my palm on the small of his back. "Loki, what's going on, love?" I asked. The man sucked in a sharp breath before shrugging me off and scooting to the other side of the bed.

"Don't touch me," he hissed, though it didn't sound malevolent. Instead, it sounded broken. "Don't touch me," he muttered again, though this time his voice was significantly quieter. It made me wonder if he was talking to himself or if he was still stuck in his nightmare.

"Loki, baby, what happened?" I asked in a whisper, not wanting to overwhelm the man. I really didn't know how to handle something like this. When Adin would have nightmares, I would just hug him and run my hands through his hair until he fell back to sleep, and then we would talk about it in the morning. This was an entirely different animal, and I didn't know what in the Hel I was doing. So, I was just going to do my best.

"Loki, hun, did you have a nightmare?" I asked, hoping to get some sort of response out of the man. I didn't really need to ask, but I needed to try and get a conversation started. Unfortunately, he didn't answer. "Loki, it's okay. I'm right here. Tell me what you need, love," I said. "Tell me what happened," I coaxed. I wanted with all of my being to wrap him in a hug, run my fingers through his hair, and tell him how much I loved him. That it was going to be okay. That he could tell me anything.

After a few moments that seemed to stretch on for eons, he spoke. "It was about you," he mumbled under his breath, his voice still muffled by his knees.

"How could that possibly be a nightmare then?" I asked jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. When he didn't respond to my joke, the small smile on my face fell. "What happened, Lokes?" I asked. "Was it about the explosion?" I asked as it was really the only thing I could think he could have a nightmare about that involved me. He didn't answer. I was afraid this was going to end in a fight. "Because I'm fine. I'm right here. My heart is beating, my blood is flowing, and I am breathing," I reminded him, hoping that if the memory of the explosion was the issue, I could help to work him down from his panic.

Even after I whispered sweet nothings to him for several minutes, telling him I was okay, he didn't seem to be doing any better. I knew from my own experience that trying to talk someone down from their panic or anxiety rarely worked, but in that moment, I just felt so helpless, so useless. I couldn't stand to see my love in so much pain. And I didn't know what to do.

"My love, I-" I began but was cut off when Loki abruptly removed himself from the bed, his chest heaving as he breathed. He stood by the foot of the bed, his entire body shaking. It broke my heart to see the tears running down his face.

"How can you love me?" he shouted, though his voice still shook with emotion. "How can you sit there, knowing everything I did, how many people I killed, and still tell me that you love me?" he shouted, his voice cracking over his shouted words. I honestly didn't know what to say to that. Well, I was more shocked that he had pulled that card. We had talked about what happened, how he had been brainwashed by Thanos, and I had told him multiple times that it was not his fault. I could never see it as his fault.