The Papers Know Your Name [LIGHTNOVEL｜UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 05

Once after class, during my second year, in the mid-1970s, the sunset had no clouds to pierce through. Its golden hues bathed the world around me in warmth. I was immersed in the symphony of cicadas and the quiet rhythm of my footsteps, and our shadows were still alive despite the approaching birth of a new dusk.

Sa aking pag-iisa, sa pag-uwi ko, ako'y bahagyang natigilan nang namataan ko siya sa aking unahan. Mag-isa at tahimik lang siya na naglalakad.

"Si Vanjoss." Yes, marami na akong alam tungkol sa kaniya sa pagkakataong ito.

He topped the overall ranking in our batch last academic year, so his name resonated among students and teachers alike. I wouldn't lie, when you really like someone, you find ways to know even the tiniest detail about them. Discreetly or not, the goal is to know them.

"Although others have been mocking him as gay, feminine, and such," I spoke my own thoughts nang ako lang ang nakakarinig, kasabay ng malungkot kong pagbaba ng tingin.

I looked at him the next moment. 'I still don't see him that way.'

'In fact, to me, he's the coolest and most charming boy I met in my age.'

'Bukod-tangi siya.' My own thoughts made my cheeks feel warmer.

Sa sandaling yaon, bigla nalang akong nagkaroon ng tapang na bilisan ang aking lakad upang paglapitin ang distansiyang pumapagitan sa amin.

I was brave, yet my heart was still nervous.

Under the sunset, I managed to fill the gap between us, as our shadows were drawn closer.

I could see him up close.

'His short height, thin features, his jet-black hair... yes, his jet-black hair-'

Thinking it would content me, I was wrong, I wanted more.

'-I want to touch it.'

Getting close enough, I wanted to take the chance, mahawakan ko lang siya.

I gulped in nervousness. But the chance, I want to grab it while he's still not aware that I exist, and that I would always like him in secret.

Isa, dalawa, tatlo... I committed three consecutive desperate gulps in each inch I get to fill with, closer to him.

'Ang landi mo, Joy.' My own thought stopped me on the other hand. So, I broke frozen. 'He definitely would find me strange.'

At that moment, the hand I was raising slowly fell down weakly. My steps were faltering as I withdrew into myself, allowing the distance between us to widen once more.

The echoes of my unspoken words mingled with the fading light of the sunset. And though I may never find the courage to express them openly, they remained a cherished part of my inner world.

I know, I was silly. I had the chance, yet I let it slip away. But I was glad because it never gave him a hint of what I truly felt for him; it never let him know I'd been writing his name on my papers.

Crazy ideas... He would never know.

Matapos magsulat ay itinago ko na ang aking talaarawan sa loob ng aking kwarto. Mabuting nakapagpaalam na ako kay itay kanina na ako'y pupunta muna sa paaralan. Noong una'y ayaw niyang pumayag dahil nga raw babae ako kaya dapat ay lagi akong nasa bahay ngunit nang sinabi kong may kinalaman sa aking pag-aaral ang aking paglabas ay pumayag naman siya.

Si itay ay laging wala sa bahay. During weekdays, he would travel downtown to Cagayan as a factory worker, and he could only come home every weekends. Hindi kalakihan ang kaniyang sweldo subalit, kasya na ito sa aming dalawa upang mabuhay. Kaya ipinagmamalaki ko nang lubos ang aking ama at binibigyang halaga ang lahat ng kaniyang mga paghihirap sa pamamagitan ng pagsusumikap.