The Papers Know Your Name [LIGHTNOVEL｜UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 20

Clarity finally dawned upon me like a sudden burst of light. It wasn't only about me and my unrequited feelings. It was about him, about the way he treated everyone with such kindness and warmth. 

His genuine nature wasn't reserved for special moments or chosen people; it was simply an inherent part of who he has been, as Vanjoss Salcedo, extending effortlessly to everyone around him.

For days already, I have come to ponder how I had misinterpreted his actions. His kindness wasn't a sign of romantic interest but a reflection of his character—a person who gave freely and cared deeply for everyone including me. The realization hit me so hard with a bittersweet mix of relief and humility. Relief because I no longer had to wonder or hope in vain. Disappointment because I had let myself believe in something that was never there. Yet truly, it freed me from the self-imposed burden of unreciprocated expectations drawn from every raw emotion of this teenage affection.

Napabuga na lamang ako ng hangin. Hindi ko pa man nasabi ang nararamdaman kong tunay, at the very least, I know kung saan ako lulugar sa buhay niya, at 'yon ay ang maging isang mabuting kaibigan. Well, beyond my unrequited feelings, there was an opportunity for us to grow together in a different way.

Masakit, sa totoo lang, but it was replaced by a sense of purpose and clarity. At 'yon ay ang tulungan nga siya sa pag-aaral pa ng Ingles—a gesture to bridge the gap between us without overstepping the boundaries of our friendship.

After all, he only sees me as a supportive friend, and his friendship means a lot to me, more than I realized.

Sa totoo lang, buong araw akong kinukulit ni Gloria about how it went: pertaining to the time I had walked home with Vanjoss. Sinabi ko naman sa kaniya ang nangyari and that natuldukan na rin ang aming "tampuhan".

Oh, no, hindi "aming tampuhan" ngunit "aking kalungkutan".  Natuwa naman siya, thinking how Vanjoss and I truly valued our friendship.

Habang naglalakad kami ni Gloria, napatingin ako sa gilid ng library at natanaw ko si Vanjoss, nakaupo sa tabi ng bintana, nagbabasa ng libro. He seemed so focused, yet so at peace, surrounded by the quiet ambience of the library.

My heart skipped a beat. It was an ordinary scene but seeing him like that brought threads of emotions. Determined to move forward, I decided to approach him. This was a chance to support him in a way that truly mattered.

"Gloria, mauna ka na. May kailangan lang akong gawin," I said with a smile, gently squeezing her arm. She nodded, understanding, and walked ahead.

"U-uh, hey... Vanjoss," I greeted softly as I approached his table. He looked up, a little bit surprised to see me before it melted into a warm smile.

"Oi, Joy. Ano nga pala'ng ginagawa mo rito?" tanong niya habang ibinababa ang hawak na aklat sa Ingles.

"I thought I'd check on you and see if you needed any help with your English studies," sagot ko naman, trying to keep my tone light and casual.

His smile widened, and he gestured to the chair opposite him. "Th-thank you, Joy. Gusto ko yan."

As I sat down, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. This is where I belonged—in his life as a friend, a supporter. And in that moment, I knew that was enough.

"Samahan kita sa pag-aaral," I added, standing up to grab a book from a nearby shelf. "We can help each other."

As we settled in to study, hindi ko maiwasang mapansin how hard Vanjoss worked. His determination and focus were clear as he carefully went through his notes and textbooks. Each highlight and annotation seemed thoughtful and deliberate, showing how committed he was to understanding everything.