Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 35 - E

"Hey Jade."

His voice is raspy and hoarse. I picture him in his usual denim joggers and t-shirt. Hair messed up at all different sorts of angles. I wonder where he is right now and what he's been up to but I hold myself back from bombarding him with a multitude of questions.

"Hey," I say back plainly. My voice is breathless due to how fast my heart is beating. After making sure the door to the lounge is locked so no one can interrupt or barge in, I sit down on the edge of the couch. I lean forward on my knees, unable to relax. The silence on the line becomes unbearable.

"Where are you?" I ask, breaking the awkward quiet.

"Back home."

"You never texted. Or called."

"So you're dumping me then?" he blurts out.

"What?" I ask, confused. "What shit have you been smoking?"

"I've seen the interviews Jade. It's everywhere. Just longtime friends huh? You didn't even recognize me until I offered you drugs. Longtime my ass. I thought I meant more to you than that!"

Through his slurred words and realizing that it's well into the early hours of the morning in Amsterdam, I know that he's drunk and more than likely high on something else as well. I can't blame him though. I wish I was too right now.

"Clarke please just listen. Management told me to say those things. I'm meant to distance myself from you publicly to get the press to drop it. Honestly, it's the best thing for you too. The more they dig, the riskier it gets for you," I explain.

"You want to talk about risky? I've had camera men and people with microphones following me around since I got out of the airport. I've got them sat outside the gate to my house. D'you have any idea how much business I've lost?" he shouts.

"I never meant for that to happen!"

Tears of frustration stream down my face. I know he's too plastered to be reasoned with right now. Part of me wants to hang up but the other part of me is desperate to appease him. It's the latter part of me that wins out right now, keeping me on the line.

"And I'd bet you never meant to crush my heart into a million pieces either! You hurt me today Jade. Real bad. And I don't forget these things."

"I'm not asking you to forget about it Clarke. I understand it hurt you but if you had replied to me earlier I would've given you a heads up. We wouldn't be having this argument right now. I don't know how many times to tell you that I didn't mean what I said today. Saying things like that to deflect situations is part of my job," I try.

"Don't try to turn this on me! This isn't my fault in any way whatsoever. Dating you is a fucking catch twenty-two. Be with you and have my life pried apart or be with you and watch you shit all over what we have. You know what Jade? Do whatever it is your bosses tell you to do. Just remember that I don't get burned. I get even."

His voice has taken on an even more aggressive tone, changing my frustration to just plain anger. I don't take to being threatened very well.

"You're threatening me now? You know what, I'm glad we've had this talk. It makes me realize what an arse you really are. Fuck you Clarke."

I end the call, my throat sore from screaming, tears flowing out of my eyes. In a flash of rage, I stand up and bring my arm back, launching my phone across the room. It hits the door with a sharp crack and I mutter a swear, knowing I've wrecked the screen. I'm going to have to convince Paul to stop at a phone store at some point. I sit back down on the couch, feeling my body yearn for some sort of release. I look around the room, as if magically a silver blade or a bottle of vodka will appear. Knowing that it won't, I slam my fist down against the couch, screaming in frustration.

"Jade? Jade open the door! What's going on?" Perrie shouts through the door.

I hear her try the handle a few times and swear upon realizing I've locked it. I don't bother answering her or opening the door. Right now, I want to be alone. I'm angry and hurt and I know if anyone were to come near me that I'd lash out whether they deserved it or not. I kick out at the coffee table, snapping the leg right off it.

"Fuck."

It tilts onto the side, clearly broken. AJ is gonna be pissed. Not knowing what to do, I position myself on the couch so that I can watch the traffic go by the window. We've already gotten on the highway. While night driving makes me uneasy, AJ doesn't seem to have a problem with it. At least another twenty minutes passes before I hear a key being jiggled in the door. Honestly, I'm surprised it took at least one of the three of them this long to remember AJ has a key to everything on the bus.

"Jade?" Leigh calls out.

I sniff back some tears and clear my throat before answering. "What?"

"You okay?" Jesy asks.

"Absolutely perfect. Never better."

"You don't have to lie to us," Perrie says. She steps into the room and sits next to me, reaching her hand out. When I don't go to grab it she places it on my leg.

"I'm lying to myself more than you. If I believe it hard enough it has to come true."

"That's not how it works babes."

She says it softly and with a smile, as if I didn't already know this and she's delivering a crushing blow.

"Yeah. I know. Just leave it, will you?"

"Okay. What did he say?" she asks.

I let out a dry laugh, using my sleeves to wipe away some of my tears. "Apparently dating me can be described as a Catch Twenty-Two. That's a new one."

The room is quiet for a few seconds as they take in what I say. Finally Jesy breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry, it's a what?" she asks puzzled.

"Date me publicly he's fucked. Date me privately the relationship is fucked. Lose-lose either way," I explain. "And then he threatened me."

"Ex-fucking-scuse me?"

"He fucking what?"

"I'll kill the douche."

"What did he say exactly?" Perrie asks.

I shrug. "Something about how he doesn't get burned, he gets even. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. Honestly, it's fine. I'll just block him on everything. I'm done."

Perrie ignores my signs of obviously not wanting to be touched and bundles me into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry J'adore."

"It's fine, honestly...guys?"

"Yeah babes?" Leigh answers.

"On a scale of one to ten, how pissed do you think AJ is going to be about the coffee table?" I ask.

Jesy bursts out laughing and soon we are all joining in.

"You know you're gonna have to buy him whatever replacement one he wants?" she replies.

"I'll buy him one made of solid gold at this point."

Leigh cringes this. "That would not match the flow of the room."

That's how the girls and I spend the rest of the drive to Philly. Locked in the back room, joking around without a care in the world. At some point, I actually manage to feel better. It's almost as if a weight is lifted off of my chest and I can breathe again. For the first time in a while, I don't feel weighed down by everything going to hell around me.