Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 2

*Trigger Warning*

I stare out the window, distant and emotionless, as the car carries me back into London. The last two weeks have been absolute hell. After Perrie had calmed me down, Leigh drove me straight to the train station and I took the first ride back to South Shields. They all offered to go with me but I told them to stay and keep going to rehearsals. All of us know how important this tour is. Everything about it is bigger. The stadiums. The choreography. The demands. Everything is on a larger scale than what we are used to, and we can't afford to mess it up. And in all honesty, I wanted to be alone.

Jesy tried to get the label to push back the opening dates, reschedule the start of the tour as the end instead and start later. When they refused, she then tried to get me to stay home with my ma for a bit. That one I refused. I can't do that to the fans plus I needed to get out of South Shields. Everywhere I went, and looked, I saw Karl. I kept myself busy with working out, rehearsing my choreo with Claude over facetime calls, and doing vocal exercises to make sure I would be ready. Anything to fill the days and make the time go by faster.

The funeral itself was heartbreaking. Baby Karl is too young to understand what's happening as he's only five and he kept asking what was going on and when he could see his dad again. Shireen, my mum, and Leoni were a complete mess. They haven't stopped crying since they heard the news. Other than that breakdown with Perrie, I haven't really cried much. I've been too busy taking care of everyone else around me, mainly my mum. Every night I could hear her crying from Karl's old room so I'd get up, make her a cup of tea, and just hold her. I haven't slept properly in weeks.

The girls kept texting and calling, trying to get me to talk, to open up, to cry, to say or do anything really but I just brushed them off. I wasn't ready to talk about it and I'm still not ready. All I've wanted to do this entire time was see my brother one more time but that'll never happen. My only solace now is pictures of him but it's not enough. It'd never be enough.

I get pulled out of my thoughts by the car idling up to the parking lot of the label. They decided a big sendoff would be great press. Yay for me. Our tour bus is already being packed and I watch as the crew struggles to get all six of Leigh-Anne's bags into the storage bay. I doubt there's going to be any room left for my two bags, the approved number that we were given, might I add.

The other three girls are already there, standing by the bus and conversing seriously. I don't doubt that they're talking about me. Other than a few texts and calls here and there, I've been completely dodging them and I'm fairly certain that they've caught on to it. I hope they don't take it personally. I've been ignoring everyone who isn't family lately. I don't want to be around people right now. I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to get through any of this but at least I know they'll be there when I'm ready for them to be.

There's a large crowd of photographers and fans that are being held back by barriers around the bus. I hastily throw on my baseball cap, pull up the hood of my jacket, and put on my sunglasses, not wanting to get papped in the state I'm in. My fingers fumble anxiously with the seatbelt but I manage to undo it and step out of the car.

As soon as I do, I swear I hear a million cameras shutter. Jes, Leigh and Perrie immediately run over to me and engulf me in a hug that I half-heartedly return.

"Jadey, we were so worried about you. Are you okay?" Jesy asks.

I throw a glance over at the photographers before turning back to them.

"Not here."

They nod understandingly as one of the bus crew walks over to us.

"Miss, there's simply not enough room on the bus for all your bags. Is there any way you could leave one of them off?" he asks Leigh.