Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 3

"Today we are joined by the lovely ladies of Little Mix! Thank you girls so much for taking the time out of your hectic day to speak with us!" Carla, our first interviewer of the day says excitedly.

"Yeah, thanks for having us," Jesy replies.

The four of us are sitting on a couch with the banner for our tour behind us. There is a camera guy in front of us and Carla sits on a chair next to the couch. I'm wedged between Perrie and Jesy, both of whom are holding my hands.

"Before we start, Jade I just want to give you my deepest condolences. I know it must be an extremely hard time for you right now and I admire your dedication to these girls and your fans."

My breath catches in my throat, and I take a deep breath before I respond. Paul warned all the interviewers not to go into detail about anything regarding Karl, but he did warn me that they would all probably mention it lightly just to say they were sorry. Everyone has been apologizing to me lately, but I don't see how their sympathy helps. If anything, it just makes me feel awkward for making them feel bad.

"Thank you," I say simply.

"Does it help to get out on tour, clear your head a bit?" she asks.

I immediately squeeze Perrie and Jesy's hands so hard that I'm sure I've cut off all blood flow for them. Jes stomps on my foot to get me to let up while Perrie jumps in for me.

"Yeah, I think coming out on the road is always a therapeutic experience for all of us. We miss our daily lives dearly but seeing the fans and how much they love and support us always helps. Plus having each other of course."

Carla gets the hint and moves on. I'm not used to this. Usually, I'm the one that does the saving in the interviews. I knew it was coming and I still couldn't do anything about it. I'm starting to find more and more reasons to hate this new version of me. I feel my chest tighten as anxiety starts to run through my veins.

I try to snap myself out of my thoughts, focus on what everyone else around me is saying but it's not helping. My heart is beating out of my chest and I feel myself starting to sweat. Jesy notices almost immediately and she immediately stops trying to get her hand out of my grip. All three of the girls begin to deflect all of Carla's attempts to get me involved in the conversation. I start to shake my leg up and down, trying anything to get myself back under control. By the time the interview ends five minutes later, I'm barely holding on. I have chest pains and it feels like I'm going to pass out at any second.

As soon as we get the signal that the camera is off, I'm gone. I jump off the couch and run out of the room, ignoring Leigh's calls for me. I run through the halls and dip into the bathroom, sliding down the door, ending up in a ball on the floor. The panic attack is here and it's hitting me full force.

My breaths turn into ragged gasps as my body begins to shake. The only thing I can see in my head is my brother's face on the giant picture we had set up next to his coffin at the service. I smell the flowers. Hear the sounds of everyone around me crying. I can't do this. I need it to stop.

"Jade! Jade unlock the door."

It's Jesy. She's pounding on the outside of it. She calls out a few more times but then seems to give up.

"Jade babes, please let us in. We can help."

Now it's Leigh. I know they won't leave me alone until I let them in so against every fiber in my body, I get up and unlock the door. The second they hear the lock disengage they run in, all of them grabbing me and holding me tightly. The sudden contact makes it worse, and I struggle out of their grip and push myself against the wall. It feels safe for some reason. I slam my fist into my leg, trying to get a grip. God, what the hell is wrong with me?