Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 36 - E

I finish going through my first round of vocal warm ups and walk over to the counter to make myself my pre-show cup of tea. I've learned from my previous mistake last time when touring America and made sure I brought more than enough bags from home to last me through at least most of the tour. It's been two days since Clarke called me and we're in Washington tonight. Tomorrow we have the day off and we are meant to go around the city, seeing all the museums and memorials. We have a tour booked and everything but it's more so to give us the opportunity to film some video diaries to upload to YouTube.

As I start my second round of warmups, I feel my phone start to vibrate so I yank it out of my waistband, seeing it's my friend Holly. I smile, realizing I haven't spoken to her since I got out of the hospital.

Holly: Hey, are you okay?
Jade: Yeah, why wouldn't I be? How are you doing? It's been a minute.
Holly: I just figured that with everything going on you'd just be a bit overwhelmed. Wanted to check up on you
Jade: ???

"Um, Jade. You need to see this," Perrie says from across the room.

I pull my eyes away from my phone as Holly starts to type out her reply. Perrie's face holds a mixture of emotions that I can't figure out as she stands up from her seat and starts to make her way over. Before she can reach me, Paul barges into the room.

"Jade we have to talk," he says out of breath.

He looks stressed and my stomach starts to tie itself more and more into a knot.

"She hasn't seen it yet," Perrie says. She's standing in front of me now, holding her phone out to me.

"Hasn't seen what?" Leigh asks.

I look down at Perrie's phone which has a Daily Mail article pulled up. Just as I'm about to question why she's bothering to read anything they write because it's all trash, I catch the headline.

Exclusive: Clarke Murphy gives Tell All Interview on Little Mix's Jade Thirlwall

Before I even start to read the article, I'm seeing red. My blood is boiling and I have to fight not to scream. I tune out everyone else around me as I delve into the details of the article.

According to Clarke Murphy, who has confirmed that he was in fact romantically involved with Jade Thirlwall of Little Mix, the pop star is on the brink of a mental breakdown.

"She's been a right mess since Karl passed, which is understandable but it's starting to get out of hand. Jade's been depressed, irritable, not her usual self. It's been causing lots of tension among the girls with fights happening left and right. Our relationship was hindered by her unpredictable mood swings."

Thirlwall, who is currently in the midst of a world tour with her girl group, is still grieving the loss of her older brother Karl, who died earlier this year in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. Her involvement with Little Mix commitments has been fluctuating with Jade sitting out multiple interviews at random stints throughout the tour. She has also missed a number of shows, causing the foursome to instead perform as a threesome. As recently as last week, she was hospitalized after a performance at a Chicago festival, citing exhaustion and dehydration as the main factors. Murphy, however, suggests something different.

"Jade's got a rough history in terms of mental health. Right after the death, she was doing alright but soon she started to turn to ways to numb herself physically and emotionally."

When asked to clarify what he meant, all Murphy said was, "read between the lines."

Thirlwall has been observed by fans as acting strangely as of late. Multiple tweets and comments on the bands posts on social media have shown them noticing she seems distant, unhappy, overworked and extremely detached. A few photos of her in recent months depict what might be inferred as self-harm marks. She's also been pictured multiple times outside of nightclubs after nights out, smoking cigarettes and appearing intoxicated. While this could be chalked up to normal partying, one can't help but think that there's something more to it, especially when remembering that she used to suffer from anorexia in the past.

Right before auditioning for X Factor, Thirlwall wrote on how she was discharged from hospital care just a few days prior for completing treatment for her eating disorder. She's been quoted as saying that it got to the point where doctors told her if she didn't receive help, she'd more than likely die.

The Daily Mail has reached out to Little Mix's management team but have yet to heard back. Story will be updated as more information becomes available.

"Bastard," I whisper.

I guess I know what getting even means to him. I hurt his career, albeit unintentional, so now he's going to hurt mine. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes but I hold them back, too stubborn to let them fall. Pain stabs at my heart, knowing that someone who said I could whole heartedly trust them was blatantly lying. My ears tune back into the conversation in the room as I hand Perrie her phone back, averting the look of pity she gives me. Jesy is going on a tirade on how she is going to find Clarke and hunt him down.

"What country was it he lives in? Amsterdam? Clarke Murphy, originally from South Shields, now in Amsterdam, doing interviews with the fucking Daily Mail. I could find him in an instant. I have money. I'll hire a goddamn PI if I have to!"

"I'll chip in. This bastard isn't ready for what's coming for him," Leigh mumbles in agreement.

"I don't care what Jade said or did to him to piss him off this much. None of this is explainable. He's a right arsehole if you ask me," Jes continues.

"But we didn't," I snap at her.

She immediately shuts up as all eyes in the room turn to me.

"We didn't ask you. We're well aware he's an arsehole. Just drop it. We've got a show to do." I turn to Paul, who's still standing halfway in the doorway. "I trust Sam and the rest of the team is all over this. If she hasn't called to say I'm being sent home then let them do their jobs while we do ours. There's a stadium full of thousands of people waiting for us. Forget about the douche that I was stupid enough to let into my life and focus on your job. We're going to go out like we planned and show everyone we're closer than ever and nothing can touch us."

I get up from the couch and leave the room before anyone can stop me. I check my phone. I've got twenty-seven minutes to stage. I'm already glammed and dressed. Fuck my warm ups, I'm going for a smoke. I walk over to a venue security guard and put on my best innocent, pretty girl face.

"Excuse me?" I ask him.

He glances up from his phone, his face lighting up when he realizes that it's me standing in front of him.

"What can I do for you sweetheart?" he asks back smiling.

Internally cringing at the term sweetheart coming from his mouth, I flash him a smile. "Can you take me somewhere where I can have a quick smoke? Preferably somewhere that no one can snap a photo of?"

"Of course. Follow me."

He turns on his heel and snakes me through the stadium and to a stairwell. After climbing what feels like the entire stadium, we end up on the roof and I realize that it was the entire stadium. I check my phone again. Twenty-one minutes to stage. I pull out a cig and light it, trying to get my mind back in order for the show we're about to do.