Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 19 - E

We've been sitting on the sofas at the front of the bus for the last hour and a half. Paul locked himself in the back lounge before the bus even pulled away from the hotel. While the other three girls have been staying occupied by scrolling on their phones and texting, I've spent the entire time staring at the floor of the bus, completely disconnected with everything.

I jump in my seat as Claude comes running from the bunks and leaps onto the sofa, landing right next to me.

"Why the long faces? Who do I have to punch?" he says laughing.

"We're all just tired. Didn't get much sleep last night," Jesy says. At least it's partly true.

"Damn, and I didn't get an invite to the after party? I'm hurt."

He feigns a sad face and puts his hands over his heart dramatically.

"Sorry. Girls only, no boys allowed," Jes smirks at him.

"Whatever. I'm going to have a party tomorrow then and you lot aren't invited."

"Fine by me. I'm FaceTiming Andre tomorrow night anyways," Leigh says.

"Just keep it PG. Your bunk is right on top of mine and I don't want to hear any moaning," Jes quips.

"Hey, that's Jade's specialty. Not mine," Leigh fires back.

"I'm never living that down, am I?" I groan.

"Nope," all three of them say in unison.

We go quiet as we hear the door to the lounge open and Paul emerges. He doesn't say a word but his face looks troubled as he motions for us to join him in the room. I catch a glance at Claude's puzzled face as he sees our expressions go from joking around to completely serious and maybe even a little fearful.

I feel nauseous as I sit on the end of the wraparound couch next to Perrie. Paul quietly closes the door behind him, making sure to lock it, and sits opposite of us on the other side. He sighs, clearly stressed from the phone calls and emails he's just had to deal with. The room is quiet for a few minutes while he gathers his thoughts.

"I've spoken with Sam and the rest of your management team, as well as the PR team and Simon," he starts.

My stomach twists itself into a tight knot as he pauses again, leaning forward and rubbing his temples.

"They're canceling the tour," Perrie guesses.

Paul shakes his head. "No, they aren't. There's too many sold out shows and too much of a profit to make off it. Instead, they're pushing for Jade to do Skype sessions with a counselor every week and keep the tour going. Obviously, we'd have to be super careful, making sure her marks are well hidden while they heal with sleeves and make up.

"During shows and interviews they need you to seem upbeat and positive. They want you rooming with one of the girls if we're in a hotel, I've got to check your things once every three days to make sure there's nothing harmful in there. Basically, you're going to have zero privacy from this point on for the rest of the tour."

We take a minute to let his words sink in before we react.

"That's fucking bullshit! Seeing a counselor once a week isn't going to fix anything," Jesy explodes.

"She needs real help. Actual sit-down sessions at least twice a week. Group therapy. Something more than that!" Leigh adds.

"Let me talk to Sam. I'll straighten this out," Perrie says jumping in.

"The bottom line is that all four of you are contractually obligated to complete this tour. I'm sorry, I don't like this plan either but it's out of my hands. We don't really have a choice in this but I do agree that once a week isn't enough. I haven't had the chance to get back to Sam but I was planning on telling her that from my viewpoint, it's two weekly at the very least, and that I don't care what the label says to that," Paul explains.

"Fuck Simon, fuck Sam, and fuck Syco. This is the last straw. Once our contract expires at the end of the year, we're finding a new label and a decent management company that actually gives a damn," Jesy states.

"I highly recommend that but don't go mouthing off about that to anyone outside of this room. We do not need a press storm on top of things that's going to get everyone asking more questions than they already have been," Paul says.

We all look at him in shock. I was expecting him to lecture Jesy for that comment and maybe convince us otherwise. I appreciate his candor though. It's something hard to come by in this industry.

"I'll give you ladies some space."

Paul stands up, grabs his laptop, and leaves the room. As soon as the door shuts, the girls go off again.

"Can't we refuse to perform? They can't physically force us to go on stage," Perrie questions.

I shake my head at her. "That's not an option. That would effectively end all of our careers in the quickest way possible. We'll be known as divas and women that think we're better than everyone. No one would know the real reason behind it unless I want to explain everything to the world and that's not happening. We are not doing that."

"What are we supposed to do then?" Jes asks.

I look down at the floor as I speak. I can't look them in the eye as I say this.

"We keep going on as we have. I get no privacy for the rest of tour. Maybe that's a good thing though. I'll be honest in my sessions with the counselor. I'll even go back to seeing the one from back home. Then as soon as this leg of the tour is over, we look into getting a better label. And we can decide if I need more help."

Perrie sighs and shifts uncomfortably next to me. "Jade, this is serious. I don't know how much I can trust you right now. You've kept a lot from us. How are we supposed to know you aren't just telling us what we want to hear?"

She doesn't look at me either when she says this. I can see the tension in her shoulders as she awaits my response.

"You're right. You can't trust me. But I trust you guys to keep me in check and be there for me. I wouldn't be arguing to stay on tour if I didn't."

"I guess good enough for me right now but if anything changes then I'm re-evaluating my stance. From now on, complete honesty, yeah? No more lying. No more hiding. No more omissions. That's just going to tear us apart and I don't want that. As much as you all annoy me, I love you and you're my sisters," Leigh says.

Jesy puts her arm around Leigh's shoulders as she sniffs back some tears, and we return her sentiments.

"Can you guys give me the room for a bit? I need to call my mom and have an honest talk with her. And Clarke too," I ask them.

"Of course, babes. Let us know if you need us," Jes says standing up.

Each of them gives me a hug but as they go to leave I catch Perrie's hand at the last second.

"Could you stay?" I plead.

"Yeah, as long as that's what you want," she replies.

I nod. "I need someone to make sure I don't bitch out."

"Good luck babes," Leigh says before closing the door.

I pull out my phone and take a deep breath.

"Are you ready for this?" Pez asks.

"No. But I have to do this."