Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 41 - E

"It's good to see you Jade," Sam says, enveloping me in a hug before stepping into the flat.

I spent most of the day doing multiple loads of dishes, hoovering and collecting trash from around the place. I'm slightly proud of how much I was actually able to get done seeing as how I didn't want to do any of it. I subconsciously yank the sleeves of my hoodie down further, making sure to hide any evidence of mental instability.

Sam walks into the kitchen, unpacking the bag of Chinese food she brought while I open a bottle of wine. I act like I don't notice the look of concern she gets at the size of the glasses I pour as we sit down at the table. She chooses not to say anything about it though. 

"How have you been holding up?" she asks as we start to eat.

I shrug. "Honestly I think I was doing better when I was on tour. I can't really leave the flat much and without work I don't have much to do."

"Maybe that's part of the problem," Sam states simply.

"Eh?" I ask confused.

She puts her fork down and sips her wine, stalling a bit. I study her evenly and realize that she's nervous.

"If I'm being honest, I came over tonight because I wanted to talk about something with you. This doesn't mean anything, it's just purely a genuine question I have but I need you to promise me you won't freak out."

I look at her, raising one of my eyebrows. "No."

Sam sighs, rubbing her temples.

"Have you given any thought about the idea of not returning to Little Mix?"

I choke on my wine. I can't help it. That wasn't what I was expecting her question to be.

"I beg your pardon?" I ask, trying to soak up the spit up wine from the table. "Am I being kicked out of the band?"

"No, no, nothing like that," she rushes to say.

"Okay, then what? The girls don't want me back? The label wants me to go solo? What the hell are you trying to suggest?" I ask. My voice rises with each question to where I'm basically shouting by the time I finish.

"Jade who the hell are you without Little Mix? You live, eat and breathe it. I get your passion but at what point does the cost of being in the band outweigh the benefit?"

"What the fuck do you mean 'who are you without Little Mix?' Little Mix is everything to me and you want me to throw it all away? Do you know how much I've sacrificed to be successful? This has been my dream since I could walk. Why would I give that up?"

My voice is at top shouting volume and Sam flinches slightly at it. I don't even feel bad about it. Right now I'm seeing red.

"Why would you even bring this up? As if it's what I need on top of everything else? That's what I need to think of right now? A new career path?"

"Jade I'm not saying that you should leave the band," she argues.

"But you're suggesting it!" I shout back.

She puts her hands up in the air. I realize that at some point I stood up and I'm looming over the table. I force myself to sit down, not wanting to show that I'm incapable of keeping my temper.

"Look, maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now. I just figured it was something you could give some thought to. Mull it over with Dr. Richards. See what she has to say about it. I understand it's your dream but there's a lot of behind the scenes stuff that not a lot of people are aware about and it's very stress inducing," Sam says diplomatically.