Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 4

I'm sitting on Perrie's bed, laughing harder than I have in a while, as the girls have decided to play charades. We've been on tour for a week now and the performances have been going good, however, I've noticeably been absent from our interviews. It was decided that for the first week I'd take it easy and skip them but starting tomorrow I'm rejoining the girls and I couldn't be dreading it more.

I'd been able to keep a fake smile stuck on my face whenever I'm around people and the marks on my arms have remained unnoticed under either sleeves or lots of makeup. My last-minute request to change my stage clothes to long sleeved things managed to go unnoticed since Leigh and Jesy are always changing their minds last minute. But, as with everything with celebrity status, the more you're seen and the more you say, the more you're likely to slip up or piss someone off.

My attention turns back to the game. Leigh-Anne is trying to mimic something out and has one hand over her eyes as the other hand dances weirdly in the air.

"What in the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?" Perrie asks incredulously.

After a few more minutes she gives up.

"Stevie Wonder!" she shouts exasperated and we laugh even harder realizing how bad of a job she did.

My phone rings, pulling my attention away. I'm getting a facetime call from Shireen. The girls go quiet as I answer and immediately, I'm greeted by the face of my nephew Karl.

"Baba, what are you doing up at this time?" I ask him. It's almost eleven at night back home.

"I'm sorry Jade. He just won't go to bed. He insisted that he speak to you, and I know you're busy and I hate doing this to you," Shireen calls out from the background.

"Auntie Jade!" Karl shouts excitedly.

"Don't apologize. It's all right. Really," I say smiling. It feels good to know that my nephew needs me, even if he's disobeying his mom to do so.

"Karl, you've got to listen to mummy and go to bed. You need your rest," I tell him.

"No! I don't want to! I want to see dad!" he screams back at me, still smiling.

Tears immediately rush to my eyes, and I feel Leigh place her hand on my back.

"Where's daddy? Is he with you?" Karl asks.

I shake my head. "No bubs. He isn't with me."

"Well then where is he? Mum keeps saying he's in a better place. I want to go there too!"

The tears escape my eyes now. He's too young for this. Too young to never be able to see his dad again. I was lucky enough to have as many years with Karl as I did, but his son will never get that luxury.

"Karl...you know how when daddy and I used to talk about grandad and how he's in a better place now? And how we wished we could visit or just see him one more time, but we couldn't because we hadn't earned our spot there yet?"

I sniff back a tear and he nods.

"Well, daddy finally earned his spot and now he gets to be with grandad."

Karl's face falls a bit as he squirms in his mother's lap.

"So I don't get to see him anymore?" he asks sadly. I shake my head in confirmation.

"No bubs. I'm sorry but you don't. But he gets to see you all the time, even if you can't see that he's there. He always will be. He's so proud of you and he loves you so much and you can't ever forget that."

My voice cracks. I manage to hold back a sob for my nephew's sake but tears still stream like rivers down my face.

"But I can still see you, right? You aren't going to that place too, are you?"