Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 14 - E

"AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNING AND I STEP OUTSIDE AND I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND I GET REAL HIGH AND I SCREAM FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS WHAT'S GOING ON!"

Clarke and I both collapse into laughter on the floor of his living room. He has his own flat that's about a twenty minute walk from my house. Like his other place in Amsterdam, it's warmly but modernly decorated. It's a bit more personal here with the entryway lined with photos of him and his family. I was greeted with a quick hug, a shot of whiskey, and a bong hit. His cousin Tom, who I'm somewhat familiar with, lives here when he's out of town. He went to school with us but he was a couple of years ahead and my popularity level at the time was nowhere near close for him to pay me any attention. It's rather ironic now.

Tom has taken position on the couch and was extremely stoned from the second I walked in. It's now two hours later and we're about half a case of beer and an eighth of pot down between the three of us. I haven't felt this light and free in a while.

"Shut it you two. We're gonna get a noise complaint," Tom laughs from the couch.

Clarke helps me up off the ground and we both go over and sit on the couch.

"Jade you're cool people. Why have we never chilled before?" Tom questions.

I make eye contact with Clarke, breaking into laughter.

"Dude, I was a swot in school. Still am but a lot more confident in being one. I wasn't even on the same planet as you," I explain.

Tom frowns then nods. "That'd make sense."

"Such a gentleman you are," Clarke says giggling.

"True story mate. I gotta piss."

Tom gets off the couch shakily and stumbles his way to the bathroom, leaving Clarke and I alone. I'm extremely conscious of the fact that our sides are separated by mere centimeters. Bold with intoxication, I take his hand in mine and lean my head against his shoulder.

"You doing okay?" I ask him.

I get a nonchalant shrug as a response. There's a mirror hanging above the fireplace across from where we are sitting. I use it to carefully examine his face. Despite the cool expression he wears, I notice the stress lines around his eyes and the pain that his brown irises hold.

"You can take your walls down when you're with me. I won't judge. You can trust me," I tell him.

"I do trust you."

A comfortable silence fills the air as we lean against each other. Clarke lifts his head up, looking into the mirror for a minute and then smiling.

"What's the goofy grin for?"

"We look good together."

He quickly turns his head so his eyes can meet mine and then leans in. The second our lips meet it's like the air is knocked out of me. I desperately kiss back, a sudden urge telling me that I need more. Something inside my chest swells and rushes through my body. It's different from the last time we kissed in Amsterdam. There's more passion, more feelings behind it. It's no longer just drunkenly fueled actions. There are emotions attached to it and I can tell that he feels it too by the way his hand holds the back of my neck, gently but firmly.

"Goddamn, my cuz is shagging a celebrity!"

We instantly break apart and scoot away from each other as Tom comes back into the room, pumping his fist.

"Shit man. If I'd have told you ten years ago that you'd be fucking the hottest pop star in England and be making bank the way you do, you'd have said I'm full of shit," he says laughing.

"Can't deny that one. But we aren't shagging," Clarke says definitively. "And not a word of this to anyone. If you say one freaking word to a single soul about anything to do with Jade, you're out on your ass. As far as you're concerned, you haven't seen her since you graduated grade school. Got it?"

"Yeah, whatever man. Chill your tits. I'm not gonna tell anyone about your secret girlfriend."

I squeeze Clarke's hand in appreciation. While seemingly good-hearted, I don't know Tom well enough to trust that he wouldn't go selling stories to some random pap once he saw how big the checks could get. The last thing the label would want in the papers right now is more rumors about me. Who knows what dirt they could dig up on Clarke anyway? He's mentioned a few times that he had one DWI and a couple of possessions charges, the latter of which he was able to get out of due to the police not following proper procedure. I'm sure Sam would love having to deal with that one.

My phone starts to vibrate and I see Pez's face light up the screen.

"I'll be right back," I say to Clarke.

I answer the call quickly so it doesn't go to voicemail. "One sec Per," I tell her as I step out onto Clarke's patio. I set the phone down on the table for a second, hurriedly pulling out and lighting a cig.

"What's up babes?" I ask, pulling the phone back to my ear.

"I was just calling to check up on you. You seemed stressed earlier and you didn't answer my texts. Are you out or something?" I can hear the worried tone in her voice as she speaks.

"That's nice of you Pez. I'm doing fine though. I'm with some old friends right now."

"You're with Clarke."

"He's here as well, yes."

She lets out a long sigh. "Jade, something just doesn't feel right about him. It's like I've got sirens going off in my head about him."

"Maybe that's because you've never actually met or properly talked to him. You don't know him so you can't have an opinion on him," I defensively snap.

"Okay. You're right. I'm sorry. For what it's worth though, if he's making you happy then I would like to meet him. I still reserve the right to threaten his balls if he breaks your heart."

I chuckle slightly at her words. "Fine. Not this trip home though. He's dealing with a lot right now. Maybe he'll fly out for a few days while we're on tour."

"It's that serious then?"

"I'm not sure yet. But I'm hoping it will be," I admit. "I've yet to talk to him about it but I think he'd say yes so long as work doesn't get in the way."

"What's he do?" she asks.

"Er, he works for a business firm. He's in the sales department and whatnot," I quickly lie. Technically he does work in sales.

"That's nice. Well, I guess I'll let you go then. I'll see you at the train station Thursday?"

"Yeah babes. Sounds good. Enjoy your time off."

"You too. Love you J'adore."

"I love you to Pezza."

I hang up the phone and release a breath I didn't realize I was holding. It's starting to feel as if I'm leading a double life and it's getting exhausting.