Broken || Little Mix ||

Chapter 37 - E

"Thank you Washington! We love you!"

Jesy's voice echoes through the stadium as we disappear through the lift underneath the stage. As soon as we are out of sight, we do our usual, sweaty post-show hug, grateful for another night with another amazing performance. Who knows how many of these I have left ahead of me?

"Fuck that was a good crowd," Perrie says as we start to make our way back to the dressing room, getting rounds of 'good jobs' and 'great shows' as we walk by crew members.

"One of the best yet," I agree.

I'm trying to be upbeat, to match their excitement about the great show we just put on. Honestly though, the second we ended our last song of the night, Touch, I was hit with the anxiety of my impending situation. Tears escaped my eyes as we started the descend and I took in the sheer sight of thousands of people standing in front of us, gathered there solely to watch us do what we love more than anything. I don't think any amount of drugs could have numbed me front those emotions.

I take a deep breath as Leigh opens the door to our dressing room and we make our way inside, all of us dispersing to different areas to change out of the stage clothes and into something more comfortable. The air in the room has quickly turned from our post-show high to a solemn silence in the uncertainty of my future. Even though they aren't saying it, I know it's on all of their minds.

I try to even my breathing out and get my hands to stop shaking but there's no use. Nothing can calm me right now. For the second time today, my body yearns for one of my self-destructive vices. Now dressed in a tank top and pair of sweats, I sit on the couch and start scrolling through my phone. I've got over fifteen missed calls and more than forty unread messages, the bulk of which belonging to my mom and Leoni. I don't dare go on social media which is no doubt plagued with all sorts of theories and comments. I sigh, closing my eyes and sinking into the couch. I wish Paul would just come in the room and get it over with.

A dip in the seat next to me and a tap on my shoulder makes me open my eyes. I turn my head to see Perrie there with her ever insistent concerned eyes.

"What's going through your head?"

Even though I don't want to talk, I force myself too in some sort of weird self-punishing way. Jesus, I'm getting sadistic.

"That I'm going to miss you guys."

Jesy's head snaps over to us from across the room. "What are you going on about now?"

"The fact that Sam is going to yank me back home."

"Don't be so dramatic," Jesy scolds.

"Honestly Jade. You've got to be more optimistic. You don't know she's going to do that," Leigh chimes in.

A dry laugh escapes my mouth. I don't try to stop it. "It's called being realistic. Anyways, whatever happened to preparing for the worst and being surprised with the best?"

Perrie scoots over, wrapping her arms around me and laying her head on my lap. I put an arm around her, absentmindedly petting her hair. After a few minutes of silence, Leigh and Jesy make their way over, sitting on the floor in front of us.

"You really think that she'll do that?" Perrie asks, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

Before I can answer her, there's a knock on the door, making all of us jump. I try to take a deep breath to steady myself, knowing my fate lies with the man standing on the other side of door.