Without You || todobaku

1

Nothing makes sense to me anymore. 
I wake up, get dressed, attend class, act like an asshole, and then go home. By myself I'm just Katsuki. I hate being me. I hate having to protect myself by acting out and pushing people away. It's the only thing I know.
Whenever I'm around all the extras I act bigger, better, and stronger. It's a front. I use the act as a shield because I knew if anyone were to find out I was actually scared shitless every waking moment of my existence they wouldn't take me seriously anymore. Nothing pisses me off more than pity.
I don't need pity, I need justice. I crave victory and validation. To be recognized as the next best candidate for a worthy hero would make me feel less hopeless and more like what I've strived so hard to be. 
After winning the festival, things became more confusing than ever. I had hoped to win as the strongest and hardest working person out there. My victory was a sham. 
I knew Todoroki would've killed me had he gotten the chance. I want to think he'd given up because of himself. The way he looked at me while I plotted my delicious victory was insulting. He was almost accepting defeat before we even started.
Damn that Todoroki.
I grit my teeth together as I scribbled circles on my notebook. Not listening to anything Mr. Aizawa was saying. My mind was so full of shit. Everything that crossed my mind was self doubt and god dammit it made my head hurt. I felt a migraine forming in my head. 
Just as I was wallowing in my emotions, a finger tapped my shoulder. Tch. Deku.
I lazily looked over my shoulder to see his pathetic and submissive expression. 
"H-Hey Kachan, I uh, do you-"
"Spit it out Deku," I snarled, making his lips quiver. God he was so pathetic.
"I-I noticed you haven't been taking notes, do you want to borrow mine for the afternoon?"
"What makes you think I'm not taking notes?" I hissed.
He leaned to the side and pointed in front of me, "Y-your notebook, it's been closed this whole time."
Tch. I glared at him, "I don't need your notes Deku I'm already way ahead of you in this game pal. I'm going to crush every last one of you." Lie.
Deku shut up. He lowered his gaze to his notes and continued to write. I caught a glimpse of Todoroki's stern expression. He made eye contact with me, then looked at the back of Deku's head. I whipped around and tensed.
He's always been standing outside of my radar, watching me. Probably waiting to strike. I had no doubt he probably regretted backing down to me in front of everyone, including his father. Pathetic. He wasn't worthy of being privileged with such a quirk and not use it to absolutely demolish everyone in this damned school.
What I would give to be so powerful.
At the end of class, I waited to be the last one out. I stared at my blistered and cracked hands. I had been training too hard for too long to go unnoticed. Someone had to notice.
When the extras were gone, I let my guard down. I sighed and melted to my desk. 
"Fuck," I swore under my breath. My head hurt incredibly much. I was thinking too much. Like Deku.
At lunch, I skipped the food. I stepped outside to breathe. It was the only peace I got from being in a loud, talentless place. I made my way over to the side of the school and checked my surroundings. When I was sure to be alone, I used a little explosion to hoist myself to the top of the building. The wind was stronger up here. It helped clear my head. 
I stretched my arms above my head and let out a groan with each crack of my bones in my back. I relaxed my arms and walked towards the edge of the building. 
At my worst, I'd come up here to contemplate. Sometimes I wondered if my quirk was even enough to atone for my pathetic being. I was the hardest on myself for a reason. 
No one can know. No one can know how awful I feel or am. I don't even know what I like or what I am without all of my anger or my quirk.
I sat down, letting my legs dangle over the edge. Some would get queasy but not me. The most comfort I get is at the hand of death. At any given moment I could let all go and throw myself over. What stopped me? Probably my fear. My stupid helplessness.
I immediately felt a presence. I knew I wasn't alone. 
My guard immediately rose and I felt the heat travel up my spine. I took a moment before turning my head to see who found me.
Todoroki.
My teeth pressed together, I lowered my eyebrows and glared.
He only seemed to notice me a bit after I had noticed him. He didn't say anything. We stared for a moment, which felt like a century. 
"What the fuck are you doing up here?" I snapped.
He sighed and slid his hands into his pockets, "Are you ever polite?"
"The fuck do you mean polite AM I NOT POLITE ENOUGH?" I yelled, my hair standing up on my neck.
He rolled his eyes and walked towards the edge, a few yards away from me. He looked out to the horizon and took in a long breath. The wind dancing with his dual-colored hair. He never showed emotion in his face, not even when I lit a fire under his ass.
"I came up here to be alone, get the hell outta here half-breed," I growled, pulling my legs away from the edge so I could stand up.
He closed his eyes and just stood there. He just fucking stood there. Why does he act so fucking relaxed? I was only getting pissed and a little uncomfortable.
"Tod-"
"Bakugou please," He interrupted me, before I could snap he spoke again, "I'm here for the same reason, just let me be."
"Fuck no I'm not just letting you be I was here first this is my spot. Now leave before I get pissed off."
He opened an eye and shot a look at me, "You're always pissed off, isn't it exhausting? Why don't you try to relax?"
"I WAS TRYING BUT I CAN'T WHILE YOU STAND THERE EXPRESSIONLESS AND ALL MYSTERIOUS NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" I stormed towards him feeling my hands burn up while my muscles began to tense. I was going to hit him, but he abruptly turned and shot a quick burst of ice into my chest. The force was enough to knock me back enough to the point where I was on my ass a good distance away from him.
This only made me more pissed but my body wouldn't move. My teeth clenched together and my eyes wide with rage almost seemed like it was funny to him.
"You made me do that, Bakugou."
Oh I was so furious. I wanted to hurt him, but instead my head grew weak. The pain shot from the back of my skull to the front. Without much else to do, I picked myself off of the ground and took off.
Fucking Todoroki. That bastard. He made me feel worse than anyone. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes but I quickly rubbed them away and ran. I ran until I was far from that boy and far from that school.
I couldn't handle all things at once. My rage, my head, that Todoroki. All of it. As pathetic as it was, being so pissed off made me cry. 
I found myself under a highway bridge. Surely enough I was alone. Down came my guard. I hit the ground with my knees and balled fists into my hair. I couldn't hold in my cries, so I let them out. With each sob I shouted in a growl. I hated being so weak. I hated feeling so weak. 
When I get uncontrollably angry I can't help the emotions that follow and well, I break. I remained there for a while trying to gather up my breaking pieces and form my hard outer shell again.