Without You || todobaku

14

KATSUKI'S POV

During the lunch hour I made my way up to the roof. My heart was tied in knots. Shoto was acting weird during the rest of the time in class and wouldn't make eye contact with me. I saw him sitting in our usual spot and I sighed. 
I walked towards him and leaned over to hug him, "Are you mad at me again?" I asked. I kind of always assumed I put people in horrible moods anyway.
He leaned into my body, "No, I'm sorry… I'm okay."
I sat down next to him, not letting my arms loosen their hold on him, "Hmm, Shoto… you lying to me?"
"I guess I'm just frustrated, about us keeping this thing between us a secret," He said, running his fingers across my wrist.
"Well remember, you suggested this."
He made a frustrated noise, "I know. I'm not saying we'll go back on that I just don't want to worry."
"Worry?"
"Nevermind."
I let go and grabbed his shoulders with my hands, "Shoto I'm not going anywhere as long as you aren't."
He frowned, "Why do I feel like things are going to turn bad?"
I let go and sat back a bit. This hurt me. I didn't want some drama and shit to fuck up the first bit of happiness I had. I looked at his face and could see he'd been dwelling on this a while. I felt my chest tighten like it was going to explode. My anxiety rose in my body and I began to shake a bit out of habit. 
"Don't… don't say that please? Nothing's gonna happen, Shoto. I can't think about that right now, don't say that, please don't say that," I stammered, trying to hide my anxiousness.
He met my gaze and inhaled quickly, grabbing me in his arms and squeezing me, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to freak you out. I don't want anything bad to happen. I was thinking out loud. I'm really happy with you Katsuki. I'm sorry I said that," He said quietly into the back of my head.
I closed my eyes and held on tight, he smelled so good. I felt better being so close to him, completely enveloped in his arms… 
"Don't be such a dumbass," I gave a little chuckle as I said it.
He squeezed again, "Yeah, I'm a dumbass…"
He continued to hold me. I really enjoyed feeling his fingers comb through my hair while I listened to his heartbeat. I tried to soothe myself and match his heartbeat to calm my nerves. I was still shaking a bit though. He pulled me backwards so he had my torso half on top of his and him lying on his back. He let out a long sigh and then spoke up again.
"I really like coming up here to do this with you," He mumbled.
"Me too," I replied.
"I used to come up here alone, when I just needed a break," He said, "I'd come up here and just stare at the sky. When there's no clouds up there it's easy for my eyes to just get completely lost in the blue. I like to imagine a place where everything is perfect and nothing bad happens. A place to just be at peace."
I just let him speak, I liked listening to his soft voice and hearing it in his chest.
"Now when I come up here and hold you it's easier to imagine. Like there was something missing about that place that I didn't know I needed."
"I'm sorry for being such an ass to you," I said with a sigh.
"I wasn't very nice to you either, don't worry about it."
"Yeah but I sometimes just really… hate…" I sighed again, "myself."
He gave me yet another squeeze, "I wish I could show you how I see you. You're so amazing, Katsuki. I love the passion in your eyes when you talk about your heroic goals. I love how dedicated you are."
"Yeah but there's a difference in being passionate than just being a cocky asshole."
"Maybe, but you're my cocky asshole now."
"Ugh cliche," I laughed, "God Shoto you're so cliche. Always have been."
I heard the smile in his voice, "Cliche is my thing, a bit of an old-fashioned soul if you will."
I smiled and lifted my head to kiss him, which he returned. He cupped my face in his hands and turned his head to deepen the connection. Our chemistry was so fluid, it just worked. He fit me like a puzzle. I adored this kid.
When we pulled away I remembered some of the bad news I got this morning. I rolled my eyes.
"So Deku told me this morning that apparently my mom and his mom talked about shit which resulted in the decision that I'm staying with him for a week or whatever."
He raised an eyebrow, "Does his mom want Midoriya dead?"
"I guess so," I grinned, then frowned again, "I really don't want to do this."
"Well, Katsuki, it doesn't look like you've got a choice," He pinched the tip of my nose.
"I know I know. I'm just fucking pissed."
"Wasn't Midoriya your friend?"
"What- no! Deku follows me around and calls me Kacchan because our parents know each other and thought it would be cute to pair us up as friends. He's not my friend."
"Alright, alright. Just behave," He said, laying his head back.
We spent the last few minutes of the lunch hour just like that, sharing an occasional kiss.