Without You || todobaku

15

KATSUKI'S POV

It was late, the house was silent. Deku's mom returned home a bit after 7pm and made us dinner. She was just about as awkward as Deku was. She seemed to walk on eggshells when trying to hold a conversation with me. I didn't say much to either of them all night, I just wanted to be in my own bed. 
I pulled the thick blankets closer to my body and stared out the living room window. A digital clock in a corner of the room read 2:40am. I hadn't stayed up like this in a while, but I blamed the weird smell of their blankets and the creaking of the sofa's frame. 
When I thought I'd finally be able to slip into sleep, my phone started buzzing. A call? This fucking late?
I grabbed it and looked at the screen, squinting at the harsh bright light. It was Shoto.
I pressed the answer button, "Shoto?"
He sounded out of breath, "Katsuki I fucking need you I need you right now are you at Midoriya's right now? I-I ran to your house but I forgot you weren't here."
"Um, yeah I'm here. What's wrong?" I sat up, scratching my head.
"I'll tell you when I get there I-I just really fucking need you. I need you Katsuki," He was breathing hard and sounded like he was crying when he spoke.
"Okay, just breathe. Deku lives right around the corner from me. I'll let you in here but don't wake up the nerd or the hag okay?"
"Alright, alright I'll be quiet. Please don't hang up."
"I'm not gonna hang up, Icyhot. I'm here, just come lay down with me and we'll talk okay?" I tried my best to say things that would comfort me when I'm losing my shit. I felt a little awkward hearing him be so upset. I had a feeling this was his father's doing and it made me feel stupid. He has real reasons to be sad and I don't. Yet I feel so goddamn depressed almost all of the time.
"I'm so sorry, it's so late I'm just so fucking glad you answered."
"You're okay Shoto, I couldn't sleep anyway. I'm glad I answered too."
"I think I'm close, he lives in an apartment building right?" He said.
"Yeah, do you need me to stand on the balcony?"
"No it's okay, what's the number?"
"I think it's building 2… umm and I think apartment 217."
"Okay, okay I'm coming in," He choked on his words trying not to cry again.
"Shoto you're okay, remember to breathe. You're so close."
He shuffled around on the other line and then I could hear his voice behind the door and through my phone's speaker, "I'm here."
I set my phone down and opened the door quietly. He stood there in a baggy blue sweater and black sweats. No shoes, just socks. I grabbed him and pulled him close to me and he silently sobbed in my shoulder. I tried my hardest not to cry when I heard his quiet cries. I shut the door and led us to the sofa bed, pulling the blankets over our bodies.
"It's alright Shoto, you're here now. Calm down, relax," I whispered, stroking the back of his trembling head.
He tried his best to breathe in and out slowly. Quieting his crying and wiping his eyes.
"Can you tell me what happened?" I said quietly in his ear.
He inhaled sharply, then exhaled and balled his fist up in my shirt, "I-It was my old man."
I figured, that asshole and his crazy ass wife are the two things keeping him from being himself, "What did he do?"
He tensed and silently sobbed a bit, "H-He hit me, h-he hit me hard it hurt. I-I don't want t-to go away f-for three weeks. He's making m-me do an internship with someone i-in Hosu starting on M-Monday."
I pulled back to look him in the eyes, "He's sending you to Hosu for three weeks in the middle of the school year?"
He nodded and buried his face in my chest, "I-I tried to get out of it but th-that's when he hit me."
"Where did he hit you?"
He raised a shaky hand and tapped the back of his head, then lowered to his waist and hip. I sat up, took his hand, and kissed his knuckles. I then kissed his head, his sides, and his hips. The tears kept falling from his eyes and it made me so upset seeing my Shoto like this. He was always the one to comfort me, but now, he needs me. I tried my best to stay strong. I laid back down and wrapped myself around him.
"You deserve so much better, Shoto," I mumbled.
"Maybe, or maybe it's just me," He replied coldly.
"It's not you, there's nothing at all wrong with you… hey, look at me," I took his chin and raised it a bit, "You are everything. You are everything and you're absolutely amazing, do you hear me? That asshole is just taking advantage of you and wants you to be something you're not. There's nothing wrong with you, at all."
He looked at me with so much sadness and pain, it destroyed my head and my chest. I began to shake a bit, feeling my own heart begin to race, "Shoto, I-I… you mean so much to me, and… I hate seeing you like this. I wish I could do more for you and get you out of there."
His eyebrows curled a bit and he closed his eyes. I placed a kiss on his forehead right in the middle of the crimson scar that was painted on his face. My own feelings were at war in my head. I wanted to make everything just go away for him and get him to cheer up. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.
"Hey…" I said after a while of us just lying there wrapped up in each other, "I love you."
His head jerked up to look at me, slightly shocked at what I said. His tears came back again, "Katsuki, fuck. I love you too I never want to lose you-" he sobbed and it was a bit noisy. I winced and tried to soothe him to get him quiet. 
"Shhh, Shoto, you won't lose me. Remember this is Deku's home you have to keep quiet."
He quieted up a bit and sunk deeper under the blankets, "I'm sorry… I-I really don't want to leave."
"Don't, I'll wake you up before everyone else. Just stay with me," I said.
He nodded, "Okay, okay… I don't want to get caught."
"You won't, I'll wake you up I promise. Just go to sleep."
Shoto closed his eyes and let out a very long and heavy sigh. I rubbed circles on his shoulder with my index and middle finger, using my other hand to hold his body close. It didn't take him very long to fall asleep, his breathing became softer and his body released all tension. The grip he had on my shirt loosened. I positioned myself better so his head rested on my chest and my arm was secure around him. I stared at the ceiling feeling my entire body go numb. 
If he left for three weeks, I wouldn't see him at all until he returned. Hell, I don't even know how much time we would get to even call each other. Even though my life was starting to be less shit, I still needed him around to help me figure it out. I'm lost without him. What if Hosu changes him? What if Endeavor gets into his head finally? 
My head began hurting a lot. My forehead was hot and my palms were sweaty. I tried to stay still for Shoto but my entire body was so uncomfortable. My anxiety was making me sick. I could feel tension run up my spine and collect in my throat. There was so much physical pain in my worrying that it made it hard to breathe. My heart was beating too fast, it almost felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I turned on my side a bit and pulled Shoto a close as I could, my shaking almost woke him. I was so caught up in how terrible I suddenly felt that I began to cry. I stared at Shoto's sleeping face, trembling and sobbing quietly into my hand. 
I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do, I can't fight Endeavor. No way. I can't be kept from Shoto that long it's bullshit. Why can't anything go right? What is so wrong with me that I can't just have someone to appreciate and it stays that way? Something always fucking happens, never fails. I just want a break. I want to go somewhere far and have no responsibility, nothing to care about, and no one around me except Shoto. 
Why is that so much to ask?