Winter's Fire → Game of Thrones

lxiv. Last Day

Due to the feast running into the early morning, a number of Daemon's lords had made the decision to stay an extra day. It gave me more time to prepare and actually think about how I was going to get out of the castle. I also needed to finally think about how I was actually going to get home.

I was standing out in what used to be a Godswood. It had been razed by Stannis Baratheon. The whole area burned and the earth salted so that the Old Gods can never be here again. Due to how devastatingly ugly the area was, it was quiet and the perfect place to think about going home.

Since we left King's Landing, my mind has been on something other than going home. At first it was getting to Storm's End. Then it was how to take Storm's End. Then it was Lucien and how miserable it is to be without him and to know he is off to marry another woman. Now, setting thoughts of last night aside, it is time to focus on going home.

Part of me did not want to go home just yet. Part of me believed that if I rode now, I could somehow interrupt Lucien's wedding to Myrielle. I could arrive just in time and beg him to marry me instead.

But I knew that was foolish thinking. I gave up my chance to be with Lucien forever. My reasons do not matter because now I have no choice but to live with my decision.

Being selfless felt like the wrong choice. I would not wake up every morning and look beside me just to realise I woke up alone again if I was selfish. My heart would not ache throughout the day, cracking a little whenever something reminded me of Lucien. I would not have to feel so stupid for letting go of the person I love.

Yet, when I put it in terms of what Lucien would lose if I was selfish, I remind myself why I told him to go marry Myrielle. This way he can have a wife who his lords adore and whose main is him and their family. He can have children and not have to worry about not seeing them or which child will be his heir and who will be mine. He can be safe and stay out of the war I am going to cause.

War... I am going to cause one.

It was a heavy truth. When I return home and inevitably begin to plot against Roose Bolton, I will cause a civil war. Even if it is only one battle, hundreds of men will lose their lives because of my selfish actions. The North will be further divided. I will be the enemy of people who used to respect me. Yet, I will do what I must to take back what rightfully belongs to House Stark. What rightfully belongs to me.

I could hear footsteps approaching me. I just placed my hand on the hilt of my sword and listened to the person get closer and closer. No one would attack me in Daemon's castle, but I wanted whoever it was to know that I am not stupid enough to let my guard down.

"I hope I am not disturbing you, Lady Stark," Lord Selwyn Tarth said once he reached my side.

Lord Tarth was a good man with good manners. It did not make me any less annoyed by his presence though. I had been hoping to think without interruptions.

Then again, a man like Lord Tarth would not bother to come over to me just to greet me. He must want to talk about something and I suppose whatever it is might be a good distraction from heavy thoughts. Talking to him may also strengthen his trust in Daemon as his Lord Paramount and Warden.

"It is fine," I said. "Company in such a place is not a bad thing."

"Lord Stannis desecrated your gods here," Lord Tarth commented. "As he would have done to mine if a chapel was built in Storm's End. I made the right choice by not supporting him. Yet, I find no comfort in supporting his nephew either."

I paused for a moment to look at Lord Tarth. He was an older man with blonde hair and those same piercing blue eyes that his daughter, Brienne, also has. He seemed kind and gentle and wise. Yet here he was, doing something unwise and risking his own life just to make a statement to me about my closest friend.