Winter's Fire → Game of Thrones

xxii. By the Grace of the Gods

I was sitting in the warm bathtub deep in thought. I had not had my monthly bleed yet, and it had been over a month and a half, nearly two. As well as that, this morning I had felt nauseas and I threw up. I also felt ill when I could smell burning meat last night, which was both concerning and slightly exciting.

After throwing up, I had gone to speak with the handmaiden of Daenerys' who told her she was with child. Irri confirmed that I was with child and so I came back to take a bath and think all of this over. There are so many decisions that I will have to make surrounding this child and I feel as if I am still a child myself. However, I have been bleeding for years and have been a woman for those years.

If I have this child, it will be a bastard because I do not think Viserys will ever marry me. He may have me as his lover, but when we reach Westeros he will need a noble wife. He cannot marry the woman who bears him a bastard child, no matter my nobility. It would bring great shame upon both Viserys and our child if he were to marry me, as I will be considered nothing but his whore.

I also have to consider the fact that if Viserys manages to return us to Westeros, we may lose the war we wage. They would not let me return with the spawn of a dragon as my child. Robert Baratheon would make me watch him kill my child before he would kill me. He would not show any mercy, not even upon my father's request.

However, our child would carry on the Targaryen name and would be a great warrior with the instruction of Ser Jorah and the Dothraki. They would learn multiple languages and be a mix of Viserys and I. They would be beautiful and intelligent and a warrior. And the chance of getting the Targaryen madness would be lower.

Disrupting my thoughts, Viserys stormed into the tent, clearly enraged. He did not even look at me as he let out a scream of fury and flipped over the table near me. I was hardly moving before he entered as I was deep in thought, but I froze after that. I had no clue what was going on.

Viserys had left earlier when Doreah, one of Daenerys' handmaidens, came to speak to him. I heard yelling and he stormed off, but I assumed he wouldn't return to our hut in such a horrid mood. I knew better than to ask what happened and chose to stay quiet and very still. Most angry animals do not notice prey that hardly moves.

There was a red mark that would become a bruise on Viserys' face, which led me to assume that he had tried to argue with someone and they had struck him. He muttered to himself as he angrily paced back and forth. I just sat in the bath and wondered what I was meant to do. Do I go and talk to him or am I best to stay silent?

"My love, what is wrong?" I asked, getting out of the bath. Surely his anger will lessen if his lust is provoked.

"Daenerys dared to send a whore to summon me to dinner!" Viserys yelled. "Then she dared to try and make me wear the clothes of those savages! Next she would have wanted to braid my hair! Then she struck me across the face! With a belt buckle! She dared strike The Last Dragon!"

Knowing Viserys' anger would not calm just because I was naked, I put on one of the dresses I bought that was from Volantis. He continued to pace as I watched him, not quite sure of what to say. I do not like not knowing what to say or do.

"Perhaps your sister was just trying to be polite," I suggested. "I am sure she misses seeing you as often as she used to and that she just wanted to have new clothes made for you. She knows that Westerosi are not like the Dothraki and I am sorry that she struck you."

Viserys turned to me with a wild look in his eyes and I knew that I had said the wrong thing. That wild look was one of rage as he strutted towards me. He looked down at me, expecting to see some kind of fear or regret, but I met his eyes and tried to radiate confidence. He would not dare do anything foolish, would he?