Winter's Fire → Game of Thrones

xxxi. Losses

Robb and I had been... disagreeing a lot lately.

Since I protected him by killing those men, things have just gotten worse between us. First it was that he could not look me in the eyes. I knew he looked at me in a new light. He sees me as a murderer and there is nothing I can do about that. I protected him and I will continue to do so. I do not care if Lannister men have to die for me to do that.

Then he broke his oath that he made to Lord Walder Frey. When Robb believed he was still able to save Father, he promised he would wed one of Lord Frey's daughters and that Arya would marry one of his sons. This was so that they could pass into the Riverlands as quickly and effectively as possible.

Robb broke his oath by marrying Talisa merely because he fucked her. He claimed he could not dishonor her like that and that he wanted to marry for love, rather than for a bridge. I understood the sentiment, but I did not agree. He just put us in more danger by breaking that oath. Lord Frey is a fickle old man who holds grudges well.

After that we learned the hard way that the Lannisters switched their tactics. They were now out-running us to tire out our army. We know this for sure because when we marched into Harrenhal, the Lannisters were gone and had slaughtered our men that they had captured. They only left a disgraced maester alive.

Alios was pissed at me too. He did not understand why I refused to support Robb's marriage to Talisa. He did not understand the intricate politics of the North, or Westeros in general, really. And I wanted to support my brother's marriage. I did. It just puts us at a disadvantage and it puts me at a disadvantage too.

My brother's foolish marriage to a political nobody meant that it was up to me to be used to form political alliances. Robb can not marry to keep his alliance, and House Frey has been promised Arya, but now there is a risk I might have to marry too. I am not ready to marry and play the good, complicit wife yet.

I was sitting in one of Harrenhal's small halls that could only sit maybe 20-30 men. I had a horn of ale in front of me and a jug to fill it up with. Drinking seemed to be the only way I could calm both my nerves and myself. I am too worked up to be walking around completely sober right now.

On top of my issues with Robb, we have issues with the Lannisters. Their forces already outnumbered ours, but after they allied with House Tyrell of the Reach, they outnumbered us over two to one. They also destroyed Stannis Baratheon's forces that went to take King's Landing.

"Alessia," Alios said, standing across from me.

I looked up at him and took a drink. I could not even force a smile or kind look. We had left things with anger between us and I have no desire to apologise. I will not say I am sorry when I do not mean it. Not over something where I know I am in the right.

"You cannot ignore me forever," he insisted. He sat down and let out a sigh. "Why are you so unhappy about your brothers marriage? He is happy. Just like you would have been with Viserys."

Viserys...

I think about him every time I put his sword on my belt and every time I take it off. It is my reminder of the first man I have ever loved. The only man I have ever loved. The one who I believed I would be able to marry when the two of us returned home with a Dothraki army.

Well, I cannot entirely be blamed for my foolish thoughts. I was still a child at the time. I grew up fast in every aspect but in matters of the heart. And I really did not have any other options than to let my heart control me. I did not have any responsibilities apart from trying to survive, either.

"I do not have to explain myself to you," I said.

"No, you do not," he agreed. "But you do have to explain yourself to your brother. He has asked to see you. Now."