You Belong With Me♡ "EDITING" & "On Hold"

♡33 : Oh! Painful Love

Zach's words kept lingering on her ears, the touch of his hand can still be felt. The emotions not preparing to leave her. Tears welled up in her eyes at her helplessness. In the darkness of the room, all alone, she sat up with tears rolling down her cheeks with her decision of leaving him after her child's birth was haunting her and she stated, "I'm sorry Zach. I am sorry for everything you are facing because of me and for those that you may have to face because of me. I hope you will see my reasons."

Her hand went on to her bump and patting it slightly, as if patting her baby, she sounded out,"You are all I will have. I might not have anything of what I always wanted but I have no regrets, I still have you. And, I love you more than anyone and anything, baby. Just come to me soon."

The mother in her was content, but the heart of the woman in love was deeply in pain. Thoughts of Zach were not leaving her no matter how hard she attempted to focus, precisely on her kid. His speech, "We can move on together" was making so much sense, but it's not just the two of them... her baby is there as well. Will he be able to love the baby of a man, he so contempts. Knowing that man took his love from him, had caused her much sufferance.

Will Zach be able to love this kid as fondly as he might love his own kid? The questions themshelves sounded risky and doubtful. Love is a risk and she can take it , but not at the cost of her child's happiness.

Amelia put her hands on her head, pushed back her hair with both hands and lost deeply in thoughts thinking out loud, " It's not as easy for me, as you thinks it to be, Zach. Even if we are under the same sky and same roof, There are miles that are separating us, in the form of reasons and risks. And, i'm not strong Zach. I'm not as strong as you believe of me. I could as much as manage to adjust with Jacob's cruelties and how they broke my heart, I am not strong enough to see you change too."

Questions. Doubts. Reasons. All summed up to the risks that she feared to take. She was scared, yet the overwhelming feelings rising in her heart, each passing moment for Zach were making her vulnerable. The mother stood strong, fighting all the feelings. But, the woman in love was dying a thousand deaths...

Love was a strange emotion and Life is so unpredictable. This very day that brought her happiness from the realization of the love she has for Zach is also the day of her biggest helplessness and desperation. A day she learned what she is missing also turned out to be the day she realized what she might be facing if she ever decides to move on and give herself a second chance.

The happiness this love promises are enormous, almost making her greedy to reach out and capture it before it flew away. But, the risks involved were equally high, making her wary and full of fear. The contrasting thoughts were hurting more than anything have hurt her ever. Not her being an orphan, not losing her only relative, not being cheated and molested by Jacob. Nothing but, This hurt.

This Hurt...

The hurt that came from the realization that she loves Zach and he loves her, but she cannot give him what he wants, she cannot take from him what he willing to give. At this moment, all those hurts and pains she faced with Jordan seemed nothing compared to the painful feeling she feels in her heart today.

Her mind wandered as thoughts sink in.

And, it then hit upon her that she had totally ignored Meg. She had always desired to ask him about her, but couldn't because she feared he might take it in a different manner and even Sam had warned her against it, alleging that if she does not desire to give Zach a wrong hint then she must not ask anything until he chose to partake about it himself. She agreed with her on this and never attempted to talk much about her with him or Rachel.

She wondered why Zach had still not mentioned about Meg. She holds no uncertainties that he loves her and there is nothing between him and Meg, but he's not sharing with her made her a little concious. Though, she hoped that when she is gone, he might consider hooking up with Meg as Rachel seems to be so fond of her. She hopes her wish will be unanswered and he will find the one who will love him unconditionally.

Her heart aches, but she reminded herself of what Zach had said when she asked him about why he had not tried for her, why he had let go when he loved her, after he confessed his feelings downstairs, almost an hour ago.

Flashback*

Zach said,"I knew you were in love, you were marrying someone you love. I couldn't be selfish."

"But, you loved me too." She had asked him and he replied, "My love was and always will be unconditional and selfless, Amelia. I wish for you what you wish for yourself. I want you to be happy. My happiness resides in your happiness."

"Jacob shocked me and you amaze me. Both of you are not exactly how I first thought both of you two to be."

"Are you comparing me with him?" Zach said raising an eyebrow.

Amelia winced slightly. Is she? she asked herself. It's not this way, her heart answered and she spurted,"No, I'm not comparing you two, just stating what I experienced. He was so selfish even though he had me, he never cared. On the other hand, you know I cannot be yours, yet, you so selflessly are still in love with me."

"When you love someone, their happiness matters more than yours." He said softly as he looked at her and then added,"It's something that I had always been believing in, since I understood the meaning of the word relationships, Thanks to my family." He pretended to laugh at it.

FAMILY! She let out a deep ahh inside. She never knew a family, she never had a family. She choked out when she tried to laugh because in reality she was over-run and hit by too much of emotions and it was building some tension inside her. "I really do not know what else to say, Zach. God, really has some weird sense of humor."

He had then asked her to not stress herself over anything and get some sleep.

It's been more than an hour since that conversation and Amelia just cannot sleep. She couldn't rest. Couldn't wait for sleep to come. She stood up and walked towards her desk, took out her journal in which she had been writing since she is here, pouring on it her thoughts, fears, happiness and plans. She had kept it as a secret. No one knows she has this habit, not even Sam. She began writing, sharing in everything she experienced today, every feeling she felt and her sadness and helplessness. Lastly, she ended it by writing the wish she had made for him when she was out on the lawn, talking and sharing about stars and wishes.

It was almost morning when she finally finished off writing. A tiny drop of tear was kept as a captive on her lower lashes as she closed her journal and then finally a new tear took birth, giving way to the latter and then it followed along with the new ones. Her heart was full of painful feelings and her eyes were now beginning to give into sleep. She slowly hid her jorunal under her mattress and fell off to sleep.