Learning To Deal

Feelings Suck

Seeing Billy tell another girl "it's you" broke my heart. Finally I understood what he meant before he left for the detention center. Finally I understood how I felt for my best friend… and I couldn't do anything.

I sit on my couch and slump over to put my head on the arm rest. My eyes have had the same red, puffy look since I got home from the play three days ago due to all the crying. I haven't done much and I haven't changed out of an oversized sweatshirt that I know to belong to the best friend in the whole world. I feel the cushions move to accommodate the new person sitting down next to me. I move my head from its current position and lay it on the shoulder of my comforting brother.

"It hurts, Ben." I said pulling my knees to my chin and hugging them tightly. He wraps an arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "I know it does Jane. I'm so sorry, kid." I sniffle realizing Ben is the one doing what Billy would have done in this situation filled with heartbreak. "Will this ever get better?" I ask quietly. I hear Ben sigh and I know this isn't a good sign.

"Well, Kiddo, I'm not going to lie to you, this is going to suck and it's going to suck for a long time. Eventually, though, yes I think it will get better. But Jane, he's your best friend, you need time to work through this, but he's still your best friend and the kind of friendship you have is special. It's so special that it hardly ever happens. Keep that in mind okay?" I nod and shove off the couch. "Thanks, Ben. You're a great big brother. I'm gonna go to bed, big day tomorrow."

I try to act hopeful, but I really can't act so I trudge off to bed for another night in the familiar comfort of my best friend's sweatshirt. That is until right after shutting my own bedroom door I hear the front door open and voices talking.

I hear Billy.