Learning To Deal

Facing The Facts

I'm reaching over Billy to turn it off.

In my haste to turn off my alarm before waking anyone else up I wound up on top of Billy. I blush because we are chest to chest and it's highly uncomfortable for me considering my new found feelings. Luckily while I was too busy noting our current position Billy was still out cold. It made me smile remembering all the times I tried waking him up for school when he stayed over the night before. That boy can surely sleep.

I make my move to get off him before he wakes up when, instead, he pulls me close and turns on his side towards me. He buries his face in my hair and I'm frozen. Obviously he's still asleep because he's snoring lightly, but this embrace feels too good, too comfortable. I need to get up before I let myself regret it later. I undo his grasp around me and gently slip out of his arms, putting a large pillow in my place. I tiptoe over to my closet, grab clothes, and head for the shower.

This day already started out terribly and it for sure is going to get worse.

Today's the day I face Gray. It has been three days since she caught me at the play and since then I haven't been to work or talked to her. Honestly, I don't think I can pull myself out of this one. When she saw me it was Eli that saved me, he had told Gray that I was volunteering my time, but that doesn't go over well with someone like her in the fashion world.

Basically, I'm screwed.

In the shower I rehearsed the many things I could say to her, but nothing felt right. Lying wasn't an option anymore. Too many things were on my mind as I got dressed and did my hair and make up. I sighed and stepped out of the bathroom. I realize I have to go back into my room because I forgot shoes and this thought alone is putting my already unsettled stomach for a loop. I crept into my room and grabbed my basic black pumps because they were the closest thing to me.

I took one glance at my sleeping best friend and I almost started crying all over again. It wasn't fair, but I guess it didn't have to be as long as he was happy. I silently walked over to his side and despite myself, kissed his cheek. It was one of my last acts as Billy's best friend. For so many years kissing his cheek meant nothing, but now it means so much. It used to be my way of saying thank you and letting him know I appreciated him but now it is a goodbye.

My last act was closing the door behind me, essentially deciding to close the door on our entire friendship. This hurt, but I had to keep going, I had to give him the chance to find his own way and his own happiness. If it was with Zoe than that is all I could ask for just so long as he was happy and I didn't ruin relationships for him. Ben was right; I would eventually get over it. It was time to face the facts.

My heart felt crushed and my hope wasn't much different as I walked into Donovan Decker. I looked down in shame as I walked by the few people I had relationships with. I couldn't look at them when I knew they had an idea I did something wrong. To Gray, volunteering my talent is a waste of all her effort in using me. Looks like she is correct, it is a waste.

I couldn't wait any longer, my appointment was at nine and in a few seconds it will be that time. I take a deep breathe and walk into Gray's office to ready a response to anything she has to ask me. I straighten out my skirt and shake my nerves away. It's time.