Learning To Deal

Lost Dream

I haven't been to work, I haven't gone home, I haven't gone to school, and I haven't done anything for a week straight. Ben's gone home to rest and get me clothes and stuff, but I can't leave him. I can't leave Billy. He needs all the support he can get and when he wakes up I want to be able to tell him I was there the entire time and the only reason I left his side was necessity based.

Unfortunately life still goes on. I had received twenty-seven missed calls from Gray and about fifty or so texts. I knew this would cost me my job, but Billy meant more to me than some job. I wasn't going to pick this industry over him again, not like I did before. I knew what I was getting myself into so I couldn't be shocked. Gray warned me that if I didn't answer the next phone call she would report me to some high official that could ruin my working career in any field, I didn't take the time to see if she could actually do that, but I answered her call anyways.

Not leaving the room, but going towards the bathroom I answered, "Hello?" A very irritated Gray was on the other line, "Jane Quimby you better have a damn good excuse for deserting our entire team for a week. First Jeremy and now you." I sighed, "I'm so sorry Gray. My best friend got hit by a van and-"

I was cut off, "Is he still alive Jane?"

"W-Well yes."

"So why aren't you at work Jane?" She was extremely angry.

"Because he means a lot to me…" I say quietly not wanting to raise my voice.

"I hope he doesn't mean more than this job." She said.

"I think he does Gray."

Gray was very short and to the point. "You can pick up your things at a later date. It's a shame, you really were the best assistant. Goodbye, Jane." I heard the line click and knew my dream was over… But then I remembered what she said about Jeremy. He wasn't there? I looked in my phone for Jeremy Jones and texted him quickly, Jeremy, you're not at the office? Where are you?

I didn't get a reply soon enough so I went back to my place next to Billy. It hits me when I sit down that my dream job is gone. I have no job, no money, I can't help anyone. I guess I lost my dream, but if Billy can pull through I'll have a new dream. He is my dream. He has to make it, if he doesn't I'm not sure what I'd do. The doctor told Ben his whole left side was crushed and when he does wake up he very likely will be paralyzed. No matter what he may suffer I would rather have him alive than anything else.

Sitting by him for the past week has left me with nothing to do but wait, talk and then wait some more. Grabbing his hand and rubbing my thumb over his palm became routine and so I do it now. His hands are rough but they've always felt this way at least for as long as I can remember. How bad I wanted to feel his fingers wrap around mine. I longed for the warmth of his hand to encase my own and make me warm too. I sigh and place my head back on his bed where it normally rests now. I begin speaking to him, "I know you can't hear me when I talk to you, but I miss you. Holding your hand isn't enough Billy… I need your hugs and your silly eye brow thing. I need hope that you will make it. I just need my best friend." I sighed it was all useless but I kept talking nonetheless. "So guess what? Ben talked to me the other day about marrying Ms. Shaw… How weird would that be? I mean she's nice and I know she loves Ben but it'll be strange. My brother of all people… Married." At this point I start thinking out loud. "You know I imagine my life… With you? I imagine us getting married, me in a long white gown of my own creation and you in a black tux with your own signature style thrown in." I smile at the idea. "I imagine having our son and giving him the same faux hawk look as you. I imagine our daughter curly haired and small, but a Daddy's girl." A tear slides down my cheek, this is all too much.

Just then, it was subtle at first and could have been mistaken as my own doing, Billy's thumb twitched. Then he fully grasped my hand and I screamed. His movement startled me so all I could do was scream. The door to his room was being pushed open quickly by a couple nurses and that is when Billy started to cough and gag on the tubes coming from his mouth. One nurse in pastel blue scrubs with little characters on them rushed to hit a button behind Billy's head and another nurse with soft brown eyes and a kind smile, a man with dark skin, ushered me out of the room. I fought him. "No!" I shouted. "I need to be there when he wakes up!" I kicked and I screamed but the nurse wouldn't budge. "I know you're in panic mode right now miss but I need you to stay calm and out here out of the way. We need to get those tubes out of his mouth right now or he'll choke. Do you want that? He asked me and I shook my head vigorously. "Okay then I need you to not be in the way so we can do our jobs and save your husband."

My breathing caught in my throat when he said the word 'husband'. Did all the nurses think we were married? Didn't they look at his file and know he's only seventeen like me? My mind is spinning from what the nurses think to Billy finally waking up. I am beyond longing to see my best friend, I need him. I sit down on a chair conveniently placed next to the door and hear the commotion inside. To distract myself from wanting to run in there and snatch him away from the pain and torture of waking up I pull out my phone from my pocket and call Ben to update him.

It rings four times and he answers, "Hello?" My response was a few short cries because saying words wasn't going to work, not right now. I could hear him suck in breath, "Oh my god Jane… Did he," He paused. "Did Billy not make it?" It took me a second to compose myself enough to answer, "No Ben, he… He's awake! Well I think he's awake, the nurses are working now. He grabbed my hand… He knew I was there and then he started coughing and then… and then the nurses rushed in and kicked me out and now I'm waiting… God Ben this is horrible…" I could almost hear him running out the door and rushing to the hospital. I say, "It's okay Ben, I'm fine take your time-" He interrupted, "I'm on my way. Be there soon." And the line clicked.

The noise from the room has died down and I stand up knowing I would soon be allowed back in to resume my rightful place next to Billy. If he was awake I could tell him everything.

The man who told me to wait outside was the first one through the door and I rushed right to him. He grabbed my shoulders, "Take it easy… He's cloudy right now. Actually, I have a question and I don't mean to sound strange, but is your name perhaps Jane?" I nod slowly unsure of how he would know. He smiled, "Well, who am I to keep what our patient wants away?" He asked for me? Billy asked for me? "Listen," The nurse said. "He's foggy like I said and he can't really speak so give him some time. Just be there with him and if anything seems wrong you hit that red button on the wall okay?" I say okay in agreement and push through the rest of the nurses to get to my best friend.

No words could describe the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw his brown eyes on mine. I lose all though, all reason and rush to him crushing my lips to his for only a second. I laid my head on his chest and looked up at him, "I missed you so much Billy…" The tears came and I couldn't stop them. Very slowly, and with much struggle, he brought his fingers to my cheeks to jaggedly wipe my tears away. He couldn't speak, but I know he was trying. I put my finger on his lips, "Don't talk, it's okay. I'm just glad you're safe and alive…"

I could have cried for days, finally, he was awake.