Learning To Deal

Little Brother

Being strong for everyone is a lot harder than one would think. I used to be a carefree guy, not noticing the small things that my little sister got caught up on. She really had it hard, but I never could get why she was so upset all the time. I was a 'man's man, never let 'em see ya cry!' kind of guy and so being upset didn't make sense to me.

But sitting beside Jane's best friend changes my mind on the subject. I now know what it's like to be upset and I'm not afraid to let people see me cry. This was little Billy Nutter, my sister's best friend, and neighborhood tyrant since he was able to walk. He can't be lying in this hospital bed right now clinging for life. It can't be. Even though he was all those things, especially the tyrant, he was also like the little brother I never had and I like to think I was like the big brother he never had. Tommy just didn't know how to step up.

Jane had left a few minutes ago and I didn't know what to do after she was gone. I decide to sit beside Billy's bed and talk, knowing he wouldn't be able to hear me.

"Billy," Just getting that out put a softball in my throat. "Listen I need you to get better not just for me, but for Jane. You have always been little Billy Nutter in our house, but now I know you're growing up and you know, Jane loves you. I mean she really loves you in a totally un-platonic kind of way. You need to wake up so she can have her happy ending like she deserves. Got it, Nutter? Please…" I bow my head hoping in some way he's heard me.

Billy was like my little brother in so many ways. He was always at the house playing with Jane, comforting Jane, and (my favorite) pranking Jane. I smile to myself remembering all the moments I would come home to my kid sister either screaming or laughing or both. One time I actually came home to her pouncing on him because of a prank he pulled on her. He really was her best friend and I was happy he could be that for her. She needed somebody and Billy was there. I owe him so much for taking care of her in ways I never could because a big brother can only do so much. There were times when we had "brotherly talks" if you could call them that. He asked me about girls once when he was in middle school and I just made the whole thing a joke.

The memory comes to me.

"Hey Ben?" Asked a thirteen year old Billy with not yet spiked hair. I turned to him, "What's up Nutter? Where's Jane?" I wondered why I hadn't heard her come in yet. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, "Oh uh.. She's walking home from the library." That's weird. "Aren't you two usually inseparable?" I started making a ham sandwich not really paying much attention to anything. I had just come back home from college for the weekend and real food sounded great.

Billy laughed, "Yeah I guess. Can I ask you something? It's kind of embarrassing…" My ears perked up at embarrassing. I walked to the table, sandwich in hand and passed Billy realizing he was now at my shoulder compared to how tall he was before I left. I decided to tease him, just a little. "Hey pal.. If you have some of those problems I can't help you. You should seek medical help." I looked over to see his face had gone a hilarious shade of red and I realized he wasn't a college kid and I couldn't say things quite like that. I began to laugh at his sudden embarrassment and he went to leave throwing apologies back at me. I felt bad, but only a little. "Wait no Billy come back I was just kidding. What's your problem?" He turned back around after a second and sat at the table. He seemed to think of what he wanted to say before saying it, "Well there's this girl…" I jumped right in, "A girl?" I used a mock girl voice and I had to cough to make it go away. We both laughed and he said, "Yes a girl… How do you.. you know… Talk to girls?" He shuffled his hands and I could tell he was embarrassed. Sad thing was I knew he had no one to talk to about this and I was his best shot. His old man walked out on him when he was only four years old and his brother was too much of an idiot to care.

That day I gave him my best tips and the very next day he had his first girlfriend. I felt prideful.

Back in the present I remembered all the characteristics of the girl he liked. She had dark hair, clear skin, beautiful features, funny and knew a lot about him or that's what he said. Then I thought back to the girl Jane told me about and I remember her saying she was blonde…

Then it registers. Billy wasn't talking about that girl, he was talking about Jane. Right then I hoped Billy could remember her and that be enough to pull him out of this.