Learning To Deal

The Idea

I have an idea. Billy deserves a little piece of himself, a little something to remind him of who he is. I go back to my stuff, grab my purse and keys and head back to the car. I climb in and bring the engine to life. It's a roaring sound but it does its job and I'm out on the street heading towards my local fabric store. Once I get there I head straight to the leather section. I get what I need and grab some silky material to go with it. I also get some zippers and buttons and other silver things to make it just right. I'm excited, I haven't been this excited in a long time over creating something.

When Billy gets back to my house and if he can't, in fact, walk, I want him to know I'll be there for him in every way I possibly can. This won't stop us from anything and he'll always be the same guy. That's why I'm doing this for him. He tends to lose himself when bad things happen and he needs to know, he's him and that's good enough.

I gather all of my stuff at the register and wait impatiently for the slow cashier. Finally she had gone through all of the items so I pay and race out the door. I never thought running in heels would be in my future even two years ago. Its funny how times change.

I load all of my purchases into The Beast and bring it to life yet again. I looked at the clock to decide if I'm going to do this. If I am, I'll need to act fast. I've never actually created a leather jacket before, but I'll give it my best go.

I pull into the driveway for the second time today and jump out, reaching for everything and running to the door. I struggle with the key, but eventually I get in. I kick off my shoes and drop everything except my new materials. I'm like a bat out of hell around the house getting everything I would need. I have the spool of thread, the fabric, the lining material and other odd ends.

I have everything; it's all ready, except now I need the original piece of Billy. I need the jacket. Knowing the smell would do me in, I grab a bunch of tissues and stick them in my nose. It's not a pretty sight but no one should be home for a couple hours to see this.. Hopefully.

I pick up the jacket hardly smelling anything and I start cutting up its different parts. I realize I need a table too so I go to my hall closet and get out a small one and bring it back to my room. I lay all the different parts out on the table and measure each one taking into consideration the rips, cuts, and tears. I lay out each piece on the new leather and begin to cut. I make the pattern almost identical so it's time to sew. I bring my sewing machine to life already feeling at ease from the sound. I remove the tissues from my nose feeling extremely silly, but glad no one randomly walked in to see that. I throw them away and start tackling this major project.

Time seems to have picked up drastically and already an hour and a half has gone by. I load the thread and feed it through the needle on the machine hoping it will cooperate. I feel so accomplished after it goes through on the first try. I now feed it through the bobbin and hope for the best. It takes me a minute but the machine is ready for me. I put it on the appropriate setting and begin.

Another hour has come and gone and I'm finally done sewing all of the pieces together. I hold up the rough jacket and feel so many emotions. It looks just like the one that he used to wear, the one he loved so much. I add the zippers and buttons and other things to make it just the way it needs to be. After another forty-five minutes it's done. It isn't perfect and it is nothing in comparison to the real thing, but it will work and I love it already. I just hope Billy does too…

Speaking of Billy, where are they? I was so caught up in what I was doing I never realized they should have been home by now. I check my pocket for my phone and panic a little not feeling it. I sift through my brain thinking back to when I had it last. I leave my room and go straight towards my bags of stuff. Maybe I left it in my purse… Sure enough after some digging I find it. I press a button bringing it to life and see I have three text messages. All three are from Ben telling me they won't be home for a while. Something about a routine blood test taking a while. I know he's lying and I don't want to think about why he's lying. I push all those thoughts away. Not now.

I head back to my room, my heart crushed. I gather the jacket in my arms and hug it to me. I collapse on my bed loving the leather smell. I was so comfortable and warm...

When I last closed my eyes the sun was setting, but now I see the gray haze of early morning. In my arms still lies the new jacket but when I try to life my face I realize my cheek is stuck to it. I look to the clock next to my bed and see the time: 4:58. It occurs to me that no one woke me up, but they had to be home by now. My heart feels broken at the thought of being forgotten like that. I knew Billy was lying when he told me he'd talk to me when he got back, he truly doesn't think I need to know any of what's going on? My stomach sinks.

I curl up into a ball feeling bad about myself. I cling to the jacket, momentarily thinking about hiding it from Billy. That would be stupid, it's for him.

Then a thought comes to me: What if the reason he didn't wake me is because he only had terrible news to tell me…

Hearing the front door shut shakes me of that thought.